Chin up Buttercup...

...a memory from my childhood.

Plucking the yellow flower to place under our 

chins to determine whether 

we loved butter or not.

We all did.

It's the nature of the flower to reflect.

I picked a handful in the pasture while hubby 

 did his farm chores.

I wanted to find out more about this little yellow flower...

Meadow Buttercup

symbolizes joy, cheerfulness, childhood innocence,

happiness, and humility.

Humility...

it's a word I have bonded with this last 3 months.

I have been vague writing about my latest health

concerns, but it was so unexpected,

and as I was walking into the unknowns...

I thought it best to take it as it unfolded,

lean into my faith, and pray for the mindset

to trust God with my fears and concerns 

no matter how scared as I was.

Few knew more.

 I was in good hands.

A brief timeline...

 started with trigger fingers in my hands

x-rays

referral to get an MRI on cervical spine

 & referral to an orthopedic surgeon

in waiting....

suspect a UTI 

call my obgyn

get tested

confirmed

start antibiotics 

day before ortho visit

3 injections in 3 fingers at ortho

next day get a call from obgyn

rare UTI not treatable with oral antibiotic 

 referral to Infusion center,

 & Infectious disease Dr.

& for a C-scan to check my bladder, kidneys and stomach

infusion center very next day

2 shots of high dose anti's (one in each arm) for 5 days.

follow up at infectious disease...

explanations...about UTI & that

future UTI's (thankfully not common for me... )

may likely be treated the same way

released

C-scan with contrast

all is well in area of concern,

however

 obgyn is concerned with bowel

she discusses it with  Gastro Dr. 

(who I have been to)

he wants to examine...

better to be safe

pull in the driveway for this appt. and get a call

he's been called to OR

a brief moment of "NO....!!!"

redeemed by the thought ..."someone needs him worse than I do"...

a little conversation with God ...

"this is Yours."

I trust Him.

 At this point I know He is in control...

&

I have learned that I am DEFINITELY NOT!

 I breathe...

 then carry on...

wait on hold to reschedule...

drive towards plan B, to get groceries in the meantime...

"can you come in an hour if he's back from OR ?"

"Of course. Sign me up"

*thinking of it as a little cliff hanger

as I've come to the final Dr. on this seemingly long list.

Uncertainty mixed with relief.

Dr. shows up.

I show up. 

We talk, he's thorough, reassuring and fun.

His nurse is too.

We find the humor in the situation,

and we all giggle through the exam.

And I loved them for it.

And..

I am okay.

It's stressful facing the unexpected and the unknowns,

and I will forever be learning how let go & to walk with trust.

Life keeps twisting and turning to make sure of it.

Truth is, this hit me in the place I thought I had under control.

It has been a humbling and teachable experience for me.

I am not in control,

but I know who is,

I close my eyes and whisper "thank You!",

and all is well.

be well...

xoxo

💝

"Whenever you meet a ghost, don't run away,

because the ghost will capture the 

substance of your fear and materialize

itself out of your own substance...

it will take over all your own vitality...

so then, whenever confronted with a ghost,

walk straight into it and it will disappear."

~Allan Watts~

"The more you push against the things,

people and experiences you find unpleasant,

the more exhausted you will get and

the unhappier you will become."

"If the challenges of life waited for you 

to be ready for them,

they wouldn't,

of course,

be called challenges."

 

In the Waiting...

....doubts start to surface & fears

creep in.

C-scan with contrast

It's also in the waiting that faith is strengthened.

Each moment that I choose faith

over worry, my heart becomes a little lighter,

 anxiety eases up, and I'm able to remain (reasonably) calm.

Notes to self,

the antidote for anxiety is prayer

choose to think about something

other than the problems

Be steeped in good news.

Direct your attention to 

praiseworthy things.

build up your faith

break the hold worry has over you

Trust God with all of your heart &

lean not on your own understanding

(Prov. 3:5)

side note: my results came back, and other than

a couple of little blips, (that I will be working on...)

all is well, 

I am well,

whispering a thank you to God, and the dove's

cooing outside my window...💞

be well...

xoxo

💝

"Some days you check all the wellness boxes.

And some days all you can do is just rest

on the couch and have a good cry.

Healing is realizing that both kinds of days

are wellness."

~ Dr. Will Cole~

"What person of faith does not pray for certainty,

as if the world needs fewer people of faith

and more people of certainty."

"Who is the person of greater faith--

the person of certainty 

or the person who every day overcomes

doubt?"

Presently

.... taking changes in stride as they are...

an not how I wish they were...

moment by moment.

I chose to ditch worry, and to trust.
To believe, and accept as best I can.
It was a choice that lead me toward a
more positive outlook.

I am choosing to keep it simple. 
Slow.
Enjoy all the ordinary moments.
It frees up so much energy.
I can see what's going on, and notice more of what's right.
There's so many little, beautiful things worth noting
in the course of a day.

Yesterday....I went to the orthopedic surgeon.
I watched as the people entered and left.
I noticed most everyone was smiling, &
 how oddly comfortable it was in the
 great big mixture of us. 
Noticed the light-hearted conversations, and attention to each other.
A few youngsters were on their phones, and a distinguished man sat reading his book.
More connections being made, than not. 
Some of us (me) gravitated toward the sunlit atrium,
while others stayed close to where they'd be called.
Giggles came from a little girl squishing in between her Mom and Dad in chair built for two.
Folksy, upbeat music streaming overhead added to the appeal.
A family of Amish entered, and Mom removes her outer bonnet, to expose an inner bonnet.
The man tipped his hat and nodded a greeting.
Outside the window, a huge space is filled with smooth, round rocks...
I love rocks.
I notice that it's a fountain....and tell myself to come back when it's warmer,
to see it in action.
(Checking in earlier) the receptionist shares that my Dr. is an adorable 33 year old that acts like a big kid.
I have visions of Gray's Anatomy dancing in my head.
I get called to go back. 
I meet my doctor.
He's not "McDreamy".
  More like, McCharmy.
He's wearing an orthopedic boot on his right foot from a pickleball accident.
I like him.

He sits across from me with the X-rays,
and then tests my trigger fingers. 
(no bone spur as told by NP)
2, on my right hand. Stage 2 middle, stage 3 thumb.
Stage 1 on my left thumb. 
"Injections" he suggests.
"To fix, or to band-aid?" I ask.
He is confident it will fix.
 I order 3.
He says "we're going to play, good cop, bad cop."
I tell him I want to be the bad cop.
He tells me he is, and his assistant will spray my hand with
a cooling spray making him the good cop.
 as he "bad cop's" each of my fingers.
"Your not going to love it." he says.
I told him I might cry.

I didn't love it, I didn't cry.
It was not as bad as I had heard from
others in the past.
I just turned my head and breathed as they
shot down the perps.

"Come back in June if you're still having problems...
cancel if your good."

*smiles & *happy waves good-bye*

Today....sore and stiffy, however
quite a positive shift in mobility and the ongoing pain.
Yay!
Extra bonus:
Brandon and Fritz have been here for work...
 and bunking here this week, it has been fantastic.
All is well with my soul.
*big exhale*
Over-the-top-giddy with gratitude.

be well...
xoxo
💝


"When life takes the wind out of your sails,
it is to test you at the oars."

"Life is short,
God's way of encouraging a bit of focus."

Baking Things....

...I felt creative, so I made some massive cinnamon rolls.

 I used a slightly healthier version of the 

Maple Cream Cheese Frosting...

and thought...hmm....

I bet that would be good on a sliced apple too.

So I tried it.

And. It. Was. Delicious!

Healthier version of Cream Cheese Frosting:

3 Tablespoons unsalted butter, room temp.

1 cup full-fat cream cheese, room temp.

4 Tablespoons Pure Maple Syrup

1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt

A squeeze of lemon or orange juice (1 tsp.)

Beat it all together, and chill for 10 min.

Makes about 1 1/2 cups.

be well...

xoxo

💝

"There are days when I am unaccountably happy,

and, in fact,

that is usually the reason for it."

"Most happiness, like most worry depends

pretty much on small a thing you can make important."

"It is still possible to be a cockeyed optimist these days-

you just have to be a little more cockeyed."

Self-assured

So, I've been giving myself time to simmer,

as I'm discovering and developing

 a path forward that works for me.

Baking class... cinnamon rolls....💛

I mentioned in the past of an opportunity
(for growth).
It was a job working with a sweet kiddo with Autism.
I met the family...their pets, and even their friends.
We took to each other instantly. It was a perfect fit.
However, after much thought and prayer...
I decided to turn it down.
We were all a bit bummed.
(Which led to my funktastic mood in my previous post.)

 Keeping in mind, 
I had plans (as I mentioned as well) for this month,
and it would have taken me way off course.
As life would have it,
God had His own big plans, and my
 course changed direction anyway.
I'm still heading in the same direction,
 but there's been a course correction.
 A "recalculating" moment.
More clarity.
I'm letting it unfold naturally.

In the meantime....
I'm loving:
 This gentle February weather!!
Volunteering at the therapy barn, new horses joining our team,
funny kids, and our new volunteer leader.
Learning high kicks now with my Tai Chi buddies, and
channeling our inner Ninja's.
A chat with the  cashier who told me she thought she had a micro-sleep (& still shaking it off)
while checking out someone's groceries before me....and then 
us adding more to the story, until we doubled over laughing.
Laughter.
Baking class last night. Cinnamon rolls and rolls filled with chocolate ganache...
a group of grown adult ladies with chocolate smeared hands, licking chocolate covered
spoons. Hoots mixed with laughter. 
Joy.
Tea rooms, and a Parakeet named "Sunshine".

And all is well.

be well...

xoxo

💖

"Living intentionally creates a soulful reason

behind our actions.

When we take the time to zero in on what we want 

and why we want it, 

we can narrow in on our purpose.

Instead of allowing our thoughts to run wild,

focusing shapes our reality.

Wherever our focus goes,

growth can take place.

Creating an intention with focus

will reap rewards. In fact, it may not happen 

exactly as you would envision, but it will happen as it should."

"Sometimes a person has to go back,

really back-

and have a sense of understanding of all that's

gone to make them-

before they can go forward."

"We can own our own power to choose

the path that is right for us."

"Luxury, to me, is not about buying things;

It's about living in a way where you 

appreciate things."

~Oscar de la Renta~

Gratified

I've nailed it! 

Making sourdough bread by memory now.

I swore I heard Professor Higgins saying,

 "By George, she's got it!"

from somewhere in the Universe.

(My Fair Lady)

Dare I say, this is the "Best loaf ever" ?

I will.

I say it every time.

It's no small thing to celebrate a simple life.

To turn away from mainstream,

and allow lovely things to define my moments,

and let the rest of the 

world just fade away for a while.

Journaling....

Worrying causes us to be all over the place,

but seldom at home. It pulls us apart 

and makes us lose our center.

Instead of looking for things to complain about,

look for reasons to give thanks.

The world is starved for genuine love.

Every act of love is a profession of faith

because it whispers His name.

'We don't have to spin- because we know

our happiness is anchored in

something greater than anything we

can see here and now.'

The lie: I am a victim of my circumstances.

The truth: My circumstances provide 

opportunities to experience the goodness of God.

"Once you start seeing seeing things to be grateful for,

your brain starts looking for more things to be grateful for."

Choose gratitude &

rewire your brain.

be well...

xoxo

💝

"Stop confusing being busy with being fulfilled.

One fills your calendar.

The other makes you feel like your living

your life the right way."

~Yung Pueblo~

 

"Happiness comes from cultivating a spirit of contentment.

You are exactly where you need to be.

All the things you wish for may come,

but for right now,

everything you need has been provided.

Look at your life knowing that everything is

as it should be. 

Breathe in this truth and find peace knowing

that all is well.

Lift your arms to the sky with gratitude.

Feel your heart swell with appreciation

and attract happiness by choosing to 

be content."

"I wish you knew that anything that brought you joy

or peace was anti-inflammatory."

~Dr. Will Cole~

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding."

Proverbs 3:5

Somatic and Journal

 

This is my YouTube pick lately,

I feel like I am on the same page.

Tai Chi was really fun today, and I moved

up to intermediate. Nice surprise.

Who knew?

Journal notes:

'You waste energy trying to determine if your resources are

adequate for the day.

It's better to simply acknowledge your inadequacy when you awaken

each morning, and rely on God's sufficiency."

Self-assessment can lead to panic,

which quickly sends you into a downward spiral.

'A cluttered mind worries about yesterday, today, and tomorrow-

consuming you, making it difficult for God to speak to your heart.'

"Don't take everything personally-

it is usually not about you."

"At some point we  need to figure out how God wired us

& where we are going to throw our energy."

Be patient when things get weird.

You'll never have all the answers.

Much of your frustration & failure come

from seeking perfection in this life.

'Too often we fight for our rights,

not realizing how our methods damage our relationships.'

Commit to love well.

"Believe in miracles like you believe in your next breath."

"Change can take years-

before it happens all at once."

'When you start your day with gratitude,

you'll be open to the opportunities, 

not the obstacles.'

It's good to wait quietly.

be well...

xoxo

💝

"When your present in gratitude,

you can't be anywhere else."

"Once you start seeing things to be grateful for,

your brain starts looking for more things

 to be grateful for." 

~UCLA neuroscientist~

"If thankfulness were a drug, 

it would be the best-selling product

with a health maintenance indication

for every major organ system."

~Duke Univ. Med. Center Biologic Psychology~

Journal Dump

Today, I have a new soup recipe simmering on the stove.

A loaf of sourdough raising, and a batch of protein balls made.

The kettle is on for hot tea, and I'm getting snuggled in

to (finally) watch the movie

"Casablanca".

It's Molly-Mom recommended.

Some notes from my journal this week...

Give up striving to keep everything under control.

Faith often tells us to go in the opposite direction

of what basic instinct tells us to do.

Giving to life is our real need.

'Trust means you're ready to risk what you already have.'

God's not asking you to figure out all the logistics.

Bring what you've go. He'll take care of the rest.

'When we try to copy someone else,

we're no longer the incredible, unique person 

we were created to be,

but a poor knockoff of who they were created to be.'

'If you're worried that revealing your true self will 

change your relationships- it will.

Some will drift away,

but the truest relationships will stay.'

Negative thought patterns will grow weaker

practicing thankfulness.

You  can grumble, or you can praise.

Refocus on positive attributes rather

than the negative. 

Don't weigh yourself down with responsibilities

that are not your own.

Live in anticipation of the cumulative effects 

of the small daily changes you make.

Fight the urge to become apathetic & lethargic

or to procrastinate.

"Take away what you are known for,

and whatever is left is who you are."

Be the most genuine, authentic you.

be well...

xoxo

💖

This quote made me tear up this morning.

It's a (good) thing. 

I can lighten up.

"You need not leave your room.

 Remain sitting at your table and listen.

You need not even listen, simply wait.

You need not even wait, just learn to become quiet,

and still, and solitary.

The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked.

It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet."

Bake Me Happy

 Historical downtown at night.

Christmas lights reflecting in windows and on rain-slicked sidewalks.

Drops falling as I stroll under a nature-print umbrella.

A gift from my kiddo. 

 Ducking into the warmly lit eatery for a baking class.

Sipping spiced chai as we wait to begin.

my first loaf of sourdough💞

A girlfriend walks in.

A surprise for us both.

A few women and an older man.

Uniting around a sizeable butcher block table,

mingling in black, flour-dusted aprons and super-sticky hands.

Story telling, laughter, and learning.

Stretching, folding and proofing our dough.

A freshly baked loaf and rolls to go.

I've been wanting to make my own sourdough.

Half to keep and half to give away.

I am making another loaf today.

be well...

xoxo

💖

" Fikabröd 

are the freshly baked goods

that accompany coffee."

"Who needs therapy

 when you've got floury hands and a warm loaf? "

"Behind every great sourdough

is a messy kitchen and a happy baker."

"What begins as flour and water

becomes nourishment through love and time."

 

 

Life Lately

 

The kids are away on vacation, so I am on a little 

retreat as well.

Staying with the grand-paws.

I'm loving the Autoimmune way of life.

I'm into week 6.

I can have coffee now.

My coach split our session in two yesterday.

She will meet back with me next week.

In the meantime...

she wants me to "dream big", and set some goals on moving forward 

with my "story".

Never have I ever...

 dared to dream big...

or set goals!

I can follow someone else's plan....but create my own?

 In detail ?

By next week?

I'm thankful for her pushing me...

I think?

She offered a visual for me.

Holding a big book up to the screen,

she turned the page to somewhere in the middle.

She described the pages in the past as my life,

half of it already written.

I'm to take the lessons I've learned with me as I write the rest.

Then she started flipping page by page toward the end....

and said, " Each day that you don't make a choice, is another

page of the story left unwritten. (which made me tear up...)

 You can continue to keep writing as it is, 

or you can see it with all the potential of it being a wonderful second half, 

with the ultimate relationship being with yourself & God. 

Include your emotional health, physical health, and your environment."

"Remember to be specific."

The weather here has been gorgeous & and my "Dad's-tinker-in-the-yard-gene" has kicked in.

I have been picking up

limbs and sticks, and cleaning up the yard.

The kids haven't had the weather to get outside and work since they've moved in.

I have.

Caught up with Dad on the phone that day...he planned to do the same. 

💝

I'm heading out to explore the city's downtown area today.

I love downtowns, and

there's a quaint little bookstore the kids thought I'd like.

A few notes from my journal lately....

Examine your likes and dislikes. 

Do an audit.

A grateful heart protects against negative thinking.

We become what the people around us say we are.

You are never too old to set another goal, or to

dream a new dream.

The power to decide a new path is always in your hands.

"It's not life that bores you, 

it's the habits you choose to live with."

" If God closes someone's heart to you or denies

you access to a particular opportunity, 

it's not because you've failed

but because it is not His will."

~ Charles Stanley ~

Dare to walk the highroad.

My own understanding will weigh me down

Trust God absolutely.

I can look at life in whatever way I choose.

I can shape it into whatever I wish,

heaven or hell, it is my choice.

" Right now, you don't need to have enough faith to finish,

you just need to have enough faith to get started."

"Don't give into hopelessness or imagine there is 

nothing left for you."

~ Charles Stanley ~

'God can intervene at any moment om ways

that would absolutely astound you.'

Don't give up doing what it right.

Faithfully endure.

Confront your fears.

"When you give into fear, you're a failure."

Think your actions through before you do

something you will regret.

"There is a season to serve someone else's dream.

There is also a season to go after your own."

"Don't seek opportunity; seek God,

& opportunity will seek you."

'Don't be in such a hurry to begin the next chapter of your life

that you fail to ace the lesson the current chapter is 

trying to teach you.'

If trusting God were easy, everyone would do it.

live well & in peace....

xoxo

💞

January 20, 2025

Preparing for my 16 weeks of  "Nourishing and nurturing"

my body with Dr. Will Cole's, Autoimmune Reset program.

I will be detoxing at a cellular level. 

I met my lovely coach Kelly this afternoon

and I am excited that I'll be working with her.

Unlike strict programs in the past, this time I will have a wonderful support team

to help me through emotionally, mentally, and physically. 24/7.

Phase one, will take me through 30 days of healing the gut.

It all starts in the morning...

"Living an awesome life is all about making choices

that make your heart sing, and in order to do this,

you must become aware of the choices you've already made.

Pulling back and taking stock of your habits, your

beliefs, your thoughts, your identity, your words,

and your actions is some of the most important work

you can do, because it gets you out of victim mode

and puts you in control of your life."

Journal bits...

Don't try to figure it all out.

Remember it is God who orchestrates your life.

Trust in the twists and turns.

The more you struggle, the more you are relying on 

your own strength rather than His.

God wants to bless you even more than you want to be blessed.

Stop striving and set your heart on Him.

He will lead you to life at it's very best.

Invite God into your circumstances,

and actively place the results in His hands.

'Faith without nerve is dead.'

'Never look or you'd never leap.'

"Never argue with a hunch."

'Christopher Columbus followed a hunch.'

'It's a great life if you don't reason.'

"Sure-ism is stronger than optimism."

be well...

xoxo

💝

 

December 11, 2024

Life has seemed more fragile lately.

We came upon an accident Sunday night while we 

were returning home from Christmas shopping.

A woman lost her life.

It has left a lingering sadness within me.

My kiddo has been in the area for work.

He came over one afternoon and we baked

our traditional Swedish spritz cookies together.

Yesterday we met for a nice chat and lunch before he left.

During lunch, I was nudged to do something kind for a stranger.

I listened to the fear that would rather I question my heart.

Fear and doubt.

But I ended up following my heart, (after I shared my feelings with Brandon ).

No big deal really, but also a very big deal to me.

I'm learning to listen to that quiet inner voice...my intuition. 

It absolutely turned my whole day into a series of synchronous occurrences.

I even ran into a long lost friend that I have been trying to connect to,

as I came out of the Walmart bathroom...and she was on her way in.

(ending up at Walmart also being an occurrence...for both of us.)

It's been years.

We couldn't quit hugging.

And if that wasn't a big enough takeaway for the day....

finding a parking spot right next to the door is worth noting.

Life still feels fragile.

We hear of another loss almost daily.

Friends and family are going through rough times.

Constant shifts and several changes in our own world.

But even among the craziness of life,

my life is pretty damn sweet.

So I'll savor these moments,

the ebbs and the flows.

Afterall...it's all we have.

Some quotes from my Journal today...

Hurry is not God's nature

Take a break from trying to figure everything out.

"In a sane culture children would learn to follow their 

inner guidance from the beginning.

Nothing to fear & everything to gain."

"The city cannot be built on the swampy ground of skepticism."

~ Albert Schweitzer~

"Move but don't move the way fear makes you move."

"God doesn't always call on us to win.

Sometimes He just calls us to try."

xoxo

💝

 

Suicide

I am in unchartered territory.

I'm not sure what to do during these times.

Emotions are so strong...

the taking of his own life, so traumatic.

A childhood friend, a part of my family back home.

I'll figure it out as I go,

breathe deeply & move forward.

It's OK to not know what to do.

" Though you had to let go of this world to find peace,

we hold onto your memory in our hearts, so you live forever."

R.I.P Bob

we love you and will miss you.

(Feb 16 2024)

xoxo

💔

 

Blowing Things

You can do something a million times,

but you can only see or do it for

the first time once.

Today I learned how to use the blower,

and my life just got a little easier.

xoxo

💗

 

Snow Day

It is our first snow day of the year, and the local

weather forecast warns everyone to stay in due to wind and record low cold.

I've got the kettle on, a snuggly blanket, sparkly lights and my sweet cat

to curl up beside me.

It's a good hygge day...

Hygge 

[hoo-ga] noun

"A calm comfortable time with people you love,

a complete absence of frustrations or anything emotionally overwhelming.

Often enjoyed with good food and drinks,

warm blankets and candlelight.

This is happiness"

Currently:

Reading: Becoming by Michelle Obama  (Love her!)

Listening: To one of my old favorite Christmas CD's (I used to treat myself to a new one

every Christmas, when I was raising my kiddo.)

Feeling: Relaxed. Cozy. Grateful.

Watching: The trees sway and the snow swirl outside my window.

Smelling: A pot of homemade vegetable beef soup simmering on the stove.

Appreciating: My Dad and my Mom and our phone chats today.

Accomplishing: staying warm, and my 308th day of learning 

the Swedish language. 

💖

"Frost upon the windowpane and softly falling snow,

Warmth beside a crackling fire while biting north winds blow

Books and blankets, steaming tea

The soft glow of an ember

Candlelight and cozy nights-

The magic of December"

Sending you all the warm cozy feels...

xoxo

💖