Chin up Buttercup...

...a memory from my childhood.

Plucking the yellow flower to place under our 

chins to determine whether 

we loved butter or not.

We all did.

It's the nature of the flower to reflect.

I picked a handful in the pasture while hubby 

 did his farm chores.

I wanted to find out more about this little yellow flower...

Meadow Buttercup

symbolizes joy, cheerfulness, childhood innocence,

happiness, and humility.

Humility...

it's a word I have bonded with this last 3 months.

I have been vague writing about my latest health

concerns, but it was so unexpected,

and as I was walking into the unknowns...

I thought it best to take it as it unfolded,

lean into my faith, and pray for the mindset

to trust God with my fears and concerns 

no matter how scared as I was.

Few knew more.

 I was in good hands.

A brief timeline...

 started with trigger fingers in my hands

x-rays

referral to get an MRI on cervical spine

 & referral to an orthopedic surgeon

in waiting....

suspect a UTI 

call my obgyn

get tested

confirmed

start antibiotics 

day before ortho visit

3 injections in 3 fingers at ortho

next day get a call from obgyn

rare UTI not treatable with oral antibiotic 

 referral to Infusion center,

 & Infectious disease Dr.

& for a C-scan to check my bladder, kidneys and stomach

infusion center very next day

2 shots of high dose anti's (one in each arm) for 5 days.

follow up at infectious disease...

explanations...about UTI & that

future UTI's (thankfully not common for me... )

may likely be treated the same way

released

C-scan with contrast

all is well in area of concern,

however

 obgyn is concerned with bowel

she discusses it with  Gastro Dr. 

(who I have been to)

he wants to examine...

better to be safe

pull in the driveway for this appt. and get a call

he's been called to OR

a brief moment of "NO....!!!"

redeemed by the thought ..."someone needs him worse than I do"...

a little conversation with God ...

"this is Yours."

I trust Him.

 At this point I know He is in control...

&

I have learned that I am DEFINITELY NOT!

 I breathe...

 then carry on...

wait on hold to reschedule...

drive towards plan B, to get groceries in the meantime...

"can you come in an hour if he's back from OR ?"

"Of course. Sign me up"

*thinking of it as a little cliff hanger

as I've come to the final Dr. on this seemingly long list.

Uncertainty mixed with relief.

Dr. shows up.

I show up. 

We talk, he's thorough, reassuring and fun.

His nurse is too.

We find the humor in the situation,

and we all giggle through the exam.

And I loved them for it.

And..

I am okay.

It's stressful facing the unexpected and the unknowns,

and I will forever be learning how let go & to walk with trust.

Life keeps twisting and turning to make sure of it.

Truth is, this hit me in the place I thought I had under control.

It has been a humbling and teachable experience for me.

I am not in control,

but I know who is,

I close my eyes and whisper "thank You!",

and all is well.

be well...

xoxo

💝

"Whenever you meet a ghost, don't run away,

because the ghost will capture the 

substance of your fear and materialize

itself out of your own substance...

it will take over all your own vitality...

so then, whenever confronted with a ghost,

walk straight into it and it will disappear."

~Allan Watts~

"The more you push against the things,

people and experiences you find unpleasant,

the more exhausted you will get and

the unhappier you will become."

"If the challenges of life waited for you 

to be ready for them,

they wouldn't,

of course,

be called challenges."

 

A Journal...

...with my hopeful thoughts & treasured memories.

And my camera ready to capture the small moments

that make up my story...

Buddy

Blondie

Price

Truth

💝

and create magic

when I simply sit and enjoy the moment in time

for the beauty that it is.

Notes...

what's important is not that you know what to do

but who it is you follow

waste your time with God

never stop looking for what's not there

reflect on the moves you've 

made to get here

love looks like letting go of old ideas

hold onto the time you have

find love right where you are

there's a natural unfolding of things

let go of control

and surrender to what will come

do the best you can

to end all suffering

stop it

when you let go

it goes away

be well...

xoxo

💝

"Fill your paper with the breathing

of your heart."

~William Wordsworth~

"Life is a series of things you do for the first and

the last time, the difference being that you know

when it's the first time."

"It is said that nothing lasts forever,

but there are moments in our lives

when we thing something will,

and it is the memory of those moments...

that lasts forever."

I never knew...

how much I resisted 

until I  realized how much I was.

sunflowers starts & girl friends..

A jet echoed from above...I couldn't see it anywhere...

no proof, but I could hear it, 

it was louder than usual,

and it continued on for some time.

It makes me think of God.

I may not always see Him, but I can hear Him

& I know He's

here.

This morning, (as in most)

a letter formed from my Jesus notes.

I write as I hear...and in order of

how I receive the words from different sources.

I use * when I switch sources.

I thought I'd share today's.

My child,

Hope refers to the future. Wait patiently for Me to 

fulfill my promises.

If patience isn't a strong point,

remember that it is a fruit of the spirit.

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you.

Rejoice that you are in My company.

I am more creative than you can imagine.

Delight in this privilege of being with Me.

* Prayer is acceptance, knowing I will

become known to you in the nature around you.

In the people you meet, and the situations

you run into.

Receive Me with open hands, and with love.

* When you meditate on Me you will see life

from a different perspective.

Even your own personhood changes

because you learn to see all with My wisdom.

At first your frustration levels will be high,

but the pressures will dissipate as you sit with Me.

I accomplish all things for you.

I can fully help you with whatever concerns you.

Nothing can defeat Me.

I provide, protect, and deliver you from all harm.

True biblical meditation will transform your

spirit, emotions, and even your physical body.

Spend time focusing on Me.

I will provide a fresh outlook for your life,

and peaceful rest for your soul, despite the difficulties 

of the day.

Seek Me for every burden. Seek My perspective for all

that concerns you.

* I created  you and have good works that you are to

accomplish for Me-

assignments that require your unique mix, talents,

personality, experiences, and abilities.

I am Author and Finisher of your story,

and not the half has been told.

You have a very limited perspective of the plot,

and as long as you insist on forging your own path,

 I will not write My living will on your heart.

Once you acknowledge Me, I will show you

My viewpoint of your life-

what I'm accomplishing-

and guide you into wholeness, fruitfulness, 

and blessings.

Stop evaluating your worth and look to Me.

I continue to work in you.

* Hope makes your life a page turner.

Every good story has unexpected twists and

even the best hero might lose her way for a few chapters.

I write more chapters.

I have the power to turn the story around.

There's more to come.

* Check out everything, and keep only

what is good. (1Thes.5:21Msg.)

*Silence the voices that do not align with

with My messages.

Create space within your heart to hear what I am saying.

Eliminate junk mail, various voices (media, other's opinions) trying to sway you

one way or the other. 

* Practice peace. Learn to let stuff out.

You should always feel safe.

*Stop trying to control.

*Surrender to Me with complete and intimate trust.

I hear you. I see you. I know you.

I love you.

xoxo

 Jesus

be well...

xoxo

💝

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,

kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

"It's a persistent daily challenge--

trying to change your life for the better

without changing it."

"I am told to just be myself,

but as  much as I have practiced

the impression,

I am still no good at it."

 

In your simplicity...

...dwells your power.

'Silence means rest, rest of body and mind

in which you become available for 

Him whose heart is greater than yours.'

Give up control over your actions and thoughts,

allowing something creative to happen

not by you but to you.

Silence is that moment in which you not only 

stop the discussion with others

but also the inner discussions with yourself,

in which you can breathe in freely

and accept your identity as a gift.

It is in this silence that the Spirit of God

can pray in you and continue His 

creative work in you....

Without silence the Spirit will die in you

and the creative energy of your life will float 

away and leave you alone, cold, and tired.

Without silence you will lose your center and

become the victim of the many who demand

your attention.'

( from  a Henry Nouwen reading)

some notes:

there is no randomness about your life

walk in the here and now

every moment is alive

ground yourself in truth and prayer

be still 

set aside a time for listening

blocking out distractions

reconnect with your soul

find the still-quiet place within you

a dream is planted there

discover what you want to do in this life

faithfully pursue it with integrity and hope

without this time

your soul becomes malnourished

set priorities 

and do the most important things first

stand in awe of the life around you

be merciful

learn to trust yourself

take care of yourself

simple awe is not complex

not expensive

sunrises & sunsets are free

live so much in awe of what's going on 

around you,

there's no time to live in judgement

of others around you

resist the distraction of comparison 

& criticism

be calm and quiet by yourself

fully awake & following with

close attention every move 

going on inside of you

seijaku (Japanese)

tranquility, serenity or active calmness

profound inner stillness and peace

maintaining a steady focused mind

a quality of quiet, even when noise is present

stay home with yourself

there's no shame in not having the answers

healing feels like finally finding a friend that understands

it might taste like the morning air that reminds you

of your freedom to breathe

when the mind gets quiet

something beautiful happens

you are most beautiful on the inside.

be well...

xoxo

💝

"In the end it's probably less important that you believe in God

than that there's a God who believes in you."

"I understand now that the vulnerability I've 

always felt is the greatest strength a 

person can have.

You can't experience life without feeling life.

What I've learned is that being vulnerable to 

somebody you love is not a weakness,

it is strength."

~Elisabeth Shue~