Hurdles

X-rays, Bone spur, Inactive right thumb, trigger fingers,

MRI, Orthopedic surgeon, Stenosis, Spinal clinic.

Sophie

I will focus on the ups, 

for they still far outweigh the downs.

Energy training with a retired race horse, and an overly cautious horse,

 sweet smiles, and old friends with big lovable dogs.

Left hands that learn fast, and fingers that pick up 

where thumbs leave off.

Wonderful medical community who care,

and rapid responses.

Mild evenings and after dinner walks.

Deep breaths.

Trusting in the process.

Flowers in bloom and a fresh morning rain.

Dove cooing in the distance.

A loaf of sourdough fresh out of the oven, and the heel calling my name...

Receiving a new book in the mail.

YouTube PT videos.

Meditating on scripture, and being acutely aware of  the 

messages that carry me through each moment, each hour,

each day.

And today is a beautiful day !!!

Am I nervous? You bet!

It sometimes borders on extreme fear...

however, 

I continue to choose to look at it as an experience.

Through eyes of faith.

I have found great comfort in that alone.

I'm 63. 

It's happening.

I want to see the lessons, the beauty, and provisions in it all.

I feel like I am on training ground.

We don't always have to be strong to be strong.

Sometimes we need to fall apart to regroup & stay on track.

Sometimes strength is expressed in being vulnerable.

Part of taking care of ourself is giving

ourself permission to fall apart when we need to.

There is nothing that empowers me, or lifts me up more,

than falling apart and spending those moments in 

God's loving care.

be well...

xoxo

💝

"...the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd

keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

"At every moment of our lives we all

have one foot in a fairy tale 

and the other in the abyss."

~Paulo Coehlo~

"Did you know: Spending just a few minutes 

gazing into a dog's eyes can increase oxytocin

by 300%?

Petting and interacting with dogs

also lowers stress hormones and helps 

reduce blood pressure.

Love had four legs."

~Dr. Mark Hyman~

Friendship

Once upon a time, many years ago...on a cold winter day,

she woke up with a sudden urgency (huge nudge),

to get to the airport.

A bit confused, and somewhat anxious...

she started her morning off in the usual way.

Angie

She drove her kiddo to school, then returned home with her unshakable nudge.

She decided to follow the nudge, but felt very freaked out by the random weirdness

of it all...

so she called her "Barbara Mama".

Barbara Mama had taken her under her wings over the years,

and had become her spiritual warrior.

Mama spoke in a comforting voice, and kind words, & then prayed with her.

She then encouraged her to get ready, and head to the airport.

"Don't ignore this. Just go! You'll know when you know."

Following Mama's suggestion, she wiped away her tears, pulled herself together, 

and headed out for her one hour commute.

She pulled into short term parking, her heart pounding in her ears.

*deep breath*

She made her way into the lobby. Totally awkward & directionless...but

curious. She visited the airline counters and picked up a few applications

at the rental car counters. 

That didn't satisfy the nudge.

 She was missing something.

So she found a bench, and decided to sit for a while and just be.

She heard laughter, and looked across the hall into

the gift shop. Miss J, and Miss R, were working,

and looked to be having fun.

That seemed to draw her attention and pull her right into the 

shop to ask if they were hiring.

Jokingly they made a few comments, 

and then disappeared to grab an application.

She filled it out and gave it back.

After a few more synchronous events...

a week went by, and she was asked to join the team.

One day her manager told her she was going to meet

another co-worker.

"You are a toned down version of her"

he said.

"I think you two will hit it off nicely"

They did hit it off, & discovered they had much in common,

  a love for twinkle lights, nature

and all things cozy.

And, both of them lived far from their families.

One's from the East, one's from the West.

They bonded instantly,

 becoming sisters.

The girl loved working at the gift shop, and the people she met,

 but the commute was long, 

and the hours were wonky. 

She wanted to be closer to home.

So after a year she closed the giftshop for her last time,

and stepped into her new chapter as a fitness instructor.

As for her sister?

She continues to plan weekend stays.

They spend all day in sweats, one sips coffee, the other, hot tea,

and they cackle like chickens when they laugh.

They talk...and talk...

and talk...

and hug when they cry.

Then...

cackle some more.

They never ignore the power of the nudge...

for now they know the reason why.

be well...

xoxo

💝

 "Gratitude is a way of being."

"People who are living life in balance...

tend to be more often at the right place

at the right time."

"I think people really underestimate

how attractive it is to be passionate and real

instead of trying to be everyone's cup of tea."

"When 'I' becomes 'We', even

illness becomes wellness.

Kindness is medicine.

Friendship is medicine.

Connection is medicine.

Reaching out is medicine."

~Dr. Will Cole~

Self-assured

So, I've been giving myself time to simmer,

as I'm discovering and developing

 a path forward that works for me.

Baking class... cinnamon rolls....💛

I mentioned in the past of an opportunity
(for growth).
It was a job working with a sweet kiddo with Autism.
I met the family...their pets, and even their friends.
We took to each other instantly. It was a perfect fit.
However, after much thought and prayer...
I decided to turn it down.
We were all a bit bummed.
(Which led to my funktastic mood in my previous post.)

 Keeping in mind, 
I had plans (as I mentioned as well) for this month,
and it would have taken me way off course.
As life would have it,
God had His own big plans, and my
 course changed direction anyway.
I'm still heading in the same direction,
 but there's been a course correction.
 A "recalculating" moment.
More clarity.
I'm letting it unfold naturally.

In the meantime....
I'm loving:
 This gentle February weather!!
Volunteering at the therapy barn, new horses joining our team,
funny kids, and our new volunteer leader.
Learning high kicks now with my Tai Chi buddies, and
channeling our inner Ninja's.
A chat with the  cashier who told me she thought she had a micro-sleep (& still shaking it off)
while checking out someone's groceries before me....and then 
us adding more to the story, until we doubled over laughing.
Laughter.
Baking class last night. Cinnamon rolls and rolls filled with chocolate ganache...
a group of grown adult ladies with chocolate smeared hands, licking chocolate covered
spoons. Hoots mixed with laughter. 
Joy.
Tea rooms, and a Parakeet named "Sunshine".

And all is well.

be well...

xoxo

💖

"Living intentionally creates a soulful reason

behind our actions.

When we take the time to zero in on what we want 

and why we want it, 

we can narrow in on our purpose.

Instead of allowing our thoughts to run wild,

focusing shapes our reality.

Wherever our focus goes,

growth can take place.

Creating an intention with focus

will reap rewards. In fact, it may not happen 

exactly as you would envision, but it will happen as it should."

"Sometimes a person has to go back,

really back-

and have a sense of understanding of all that's

gone to make them-

before they can go forward."

"We can own our own power to choose

the path that is right for us."

"Luxury, to me, is not about buying things;

It's about living in a way where you 

appreciate things."

~Oscar de la Renta~

Honestly...

...as your thinking goes,

so goes your entire being.

Brandon, nature, lunch, and friends.

Yup! I took a nose dive this week. 

Self-doubt, mainly, but it grew into

a big-hairy-monster in need of an exorcism.

God provided exactly what I needed.

Some pre-exorcism journal notes & quotes. 

(the cleaner version of some come to Jesus moments)

Me: "....then bam. Down I went. I tried to lift, but nope.

The weight wouldn't let up."

Ha! 'Respond to hostility with love.'

Blew that!! I don't think the F bomb is very loving.

"What the heck is this anyway?"

"I'm tired. This sucks!"

J: "Your racing mind makes it hard to hear My whisper."

Me: "Father I've lost hope. I've lost the anchor for my soul."

Cue...*Blue Jay's piercing tones*

look it up:

'encourages authenticity & speaking ones truth. Take time for some 

areas of your life. Be brave.

Fight for ones rights.

'Blue Jay's loud piercing tones keeps away misfortune.

Guardian in the spirit realm.

It shows up when you're in a dilemma.

New change.

Coming of age...

Protection, understanding & spiritual direction.'

*(followed by Psalm 34:18)

'He is close to the broken hearted & saves those who are

crushed in spirit.'

*(followed by a tantum of sorts. Not pretty.)

J: " It is crucial that you realize deeply 

that your worth & value do NOT depend

on anyone else.

You have to claim your own inner truth."

Me: "I get that. My heart is closed today.

I'm p--sed off!

I need You. I am not open to You today.

Very little.

Thanks for the Jay.

It makes sense....but I don't know what else to do.

So I'll do nothing.

I want to be angry. I want to hate this.

I want to be authentic today.

This is me being authentically F---ed up!

Thank you for your provisions...

& for loving me anyway.

 xo

Amen"

Thankful that my kiddo stayed a couple nights while he was here for work.

I tried to push it down while he was here...

but Nope. That weight wanted to go.

He was a great support while I sat with my spinning head.

be well...

xoxo

💝

....when something feels impossible, it may take some time

to find your way.

' ...I hope you know the taste of hope on an ordinary

Thursday,

when you don't feel okay,

and you rise up anyway.

Listen for the high pitch song of the blue-bird,

the sound of rain.

Listen for any little reminders of Life,

feel it call you by your name.'

"It takes great love and courage to excavate buried dreams."

"Where there is great love there are always miracles."

"...not to be a 'would-be-if-I-could-be

or a could-be-if-I-would-be.' Just be."

'....while I have learned that dreams need doing as much

as they need being, I have learned that

being always comes first.'

Brandon, 

I have always felt the need to have my act together, and

be at my best. Be..."the perfect Mom."

Thank you for allowing me to unravel at the seams...

and helping to free me from the unrealistic

expectations that I put on myself.

Thank you for showing up.

And allowing me to go through my ugly, weak, scrappy moments...

and to show nothing but love and understanding through it.

You help me to see the humor in the worst of times.

You remind me of who I am, and refresh faded dreams.

You lift me.

Then you take me out to go have some fun.

Thank you for showing me what real love does best.

Thank you for teaching me to embrace life.

You are all of the best parts of your Dad and me.

I am so proud of who you are and what you stand for.

I love you so much.

xoxo

Mom💖