Notes on Consciousness

Maneuvering through the morning slowly,

enjoying small sips of coffee, wrapped in a quilt outside.

It's overcast, and cool.

 Still.

 Peaceful.

The porch decorated in chalk dust and graffiti from last

nights "lets-go-draw-on-the-porch" moment.

Bundling into sweatpants, hoodies and grabbing quilts to wrap in.

Twinkle lights and moonlight.

Goofiness and laughter.

Simple joys with my grand-girl.

I'm re-visiting some books I read before my coaching course.

Before I went on my own journey of being coached.

I had a twinge of "before and after" ,

and a prayerful celebration of the 

things I've left behind.

Sharing this out of the book:

Letting Go

The Pathway of Surrender

by David R. Hawkins M.D. Ph.D.

3years ago...a special friend/teacher/guide shared this book with me. 

Sometimes we just need the right information to

tug at our truth, and help us to see more clearly.

We don't know, until we know.

" Apathy and depression are prices we pay for having settled for 

and bought into our smallness.

It's what we get for having played the victim & allowed ourselves to be programmed.

It's the price we pay for having bought into negativity.

It's what results from resisting the part of ourselves that is loving,

courageous, and great.

It results from allowing ourselves to be invalidated by ourselves or others;

it is the consequence of holding ourselves in a negative context.

In reality, it is only a definition of ourselves that we have unwittingly

allowed to happen. 

The way out is to become more conscious."

"What does it mean to become 'more conscious' ?

To begin with, becoming more conscious means to 

start looking for the truth for ourselves, instead of blindly

allowing ourselves to be programmed,

whether from without or by an inner voice within the mind,

which seeks to diminish and invalidate,

focusing on all that is weak and helpless.

To get out of it, we have to accept the responsibility that

we have bought into the negativity and have been willing to believe it.

The way out of this, then, is to start questioning everything."

"As we become more aware, we begin to realize that we have a choice.

We can stop giving authority to all the mind's thoughts,

begin to question them, and find out if there is really any truth in them

for ourselves."

(great book if this interests you)

Journal notes:

"You are not alone; there is a great big world out there

waiting to champion you and help you live your very best life."

'The root cause of hesitancy is due to how you feel about yourself.

Remember who you are.

You have all you need to achieve every goal before you.

You don't have to fear.

You can do this.

Stop wrestling with your anxieties and get the job done.

Begin living your life with joy, and assurance of God's 

unlimited resources.'

You are free to live your honest story in the way it was meant to be written.

"We are defined by the narrative we write for ourselves every day."

Talk to yourself with love.

Your main work is to clear out debris and clutter,

making room for your Spirit.

Release and receive.

Go through your days distracted by everything going on around you,

or live fully engaged, and look for the beauty in life.

"You get what you repeat."

...finally she decided to stop suppressing her true nature.

be well...

xoxo

💗

"If you call forth what is in you,

it will save you.

If you do not call forth what is in you,

it will destroy you."

~Gospel of Saint Thomas~

"I never wanted to be the best.

I just wanted to be the best damn me."

~Lily Tomlin~

 

Remembrance

This morning as I made my way to the kitchen to put the kettle on,

I caught the feature of the 9/11 Memorial airing on the news.

I paused to remember.

I went back to that day...the moment that I turned on the news.

 I had just returned home after dropping Brandon off at school.

I remember the air being sucked out of me. The fear. The incredible wave of sadness.

I think back to a visit back home years later,

when friends took us to see the Memorial.

And how my breath stopped.

 A huge lump formed in my throat & tears welled up in my eyes.

I remember the heaviness of my heart,

mixed with the awe of seeing something so breathtakingly

beautiful, transformed from something so dark and tragic.

I felt a connection.

I recall how strangely silent it seemed as we all gathered around.

In that fleeting moment,

I didn't feel any separation or difference, 

Instead,

It was as if we were a part of something more.

In the blink of an eye...

we all stood united.

This morning...in a blink of an eye... I felt the same way.

Brandon standing at the 9/11 Memorial

Journal notes:

He is with us always.

Even when we journey into unknown places.

"We are not advertisement for Jesus.

We are evidence of Him,

and we do this best in our weaknesses,

not our strengths."

Prayerfully seek to understand where others are coming from-

especially when their words and actions confuse or upset you.

Give others the benefit of your doubt.

You don't know what is motivating them to respond as they do.

'Pursue peace with people.

See God's understanding about who they are,

what burdens they bear,

and what they struggle with.'

Don't absorb the fear & scarcity of the culture

& keep your energy anchored in God as your source.

(note: as I wrote the last sentence: I hear a jet. I glance up as a B-2 bomber flies over...

and as it fades out of sight, a pair of doves fly above me...

you know me and my signs....💝)

'Every so often something happens that literally shakes us awake,

yanks us out of our heads, reminds us of the 

preciousness of life, the uncertainty surrounding us in 

every moment, and all the many things we take for 

granted that we could be so grateful for.'

Stop. Get quiet. Breathe into the gratitude you feel for who you are,

for the gifts you've been given, and your ability to make positive changes.

Only God's Love is strong enough to break 

the hold that fear has on us.

Unexpected events shake up our routines.

As we turn to God, He clings to our hand,

and we experience His comfort and love.

be well...

xoxo

💓

"A GREAT TRAGEDY can bring people together.

When bad things happen, some people rise to help in 

the midst of great sadness,

wanting to help alleviate the pain.

Concentrate on how you too can help and see the good

that does arise in response to terrible events.

We are not helpless when bad things happen.

Agents of change show up in unexpected ways.

Together we can bring healing energy 

to the residue of tragedy."

~Emily Silva~

Anxiety & Rhythm

Every morning, I pray for guidance and direction.

Truth is, when it comes down to finding direction,

( directionally challenged to begin with...)

 I get all heady.

I have so many interests...and things that I love...

 my thoughts can get a bit scattered,

 and I then I start to confuse myself.

*Pause *Breathe *Zoom out *Align

*Journal.

When I come here to write, it is usually something that I read about

and recorded in my own musings.

Something that stirred within me.

 Healing the nervous system seems to be the subject of  a lot of stirring lately.

This morning the majority of my journaling was about fear, and anxiety.

 Yesterday I had a chat at the table with a loved one about anxiety.,

and the 4-7-8 breath.

So ... I thought I'd make some picks from my journal notes today.

Nuggets that helped me to stay on course with my "stirring".

I'm also adding this video to my tool box.

Rhythm to calm.

They seem to pair well together.😊

Learn to enjoy life more.

The more you focus on God's presence with you,

the more you can enjoy life.

Who you are, and who you will become, 

only God knows. 

Listen for His voice.

Don't let failures define you.

Use them to inform your next steps.

" I am the way, and the truth, and the life."

John 14:6

Anxiety & worry, are destroyers of health,

wealth & happiness.

The only way to get rid of fear-

is to transmute it into faith.

Fear is the opposite of Faith.

Both register in the subconscious.

What you focus on will grow.

Believe that all things are possible.

 

Make a habit of making giant swings into Faith.

You might find that right this moment,

you have more than enough reasons to be happy 

& centered.

'You cannot accomplish anything 

you cannot see yourself accomplishing.'

'Trusting God is like walking a tight rope.

Doubt and fear cause you to lose your balance,

and fall off into lack and limitation.

It takes practice to acquire poise & balance.'

'We suffer more than we need to,

We reopen old wounds by dwelling on the past.

We live in needless dread of what tomorrow

will bring.'

'What a beautiful world this would be if

all anxiety and fear were blotted out.

The only way to neutralize it

is to walk up to the thing you are

afraid of.'

Out of the book: Can You still Trust God?

by Charles Stanley

' I encourage you today..

Refuse to allow anxiety to become a "state of being" in your life.

Believe God when He says you are worthy of His constant care.

Yield total control of every area of your life to God.

Refuse to be caught up in what others think of you.

Refuse to be trapped into operating according to the world's systems

Get your priorities in line with God's priorities for you.

Choose to live in today, not tomorrow.

And You will find yourself living with a growing,

deep inner peace,

free from fear and anxiety.'

be well...

xoxo

💖

" We don't know where we're going,

we don't know what is going to happen,

but no one can take away from you 

what you put in your own mind."

The Choice: Embrace the Possibilities

Edith Eger

Align

Find the small pockets of time to take in the beauty,

and let go of the rest.

Breathe out stress, breathe in peace.

Breathe out tension, breathe in ease.

Breathe out worry, breathe in faith.

...grand-pet sitting at my kiddo's 

Asking for total happiness is not asking for too much.

Truly listen to your desires.

Carve out little reprieves.

Trust your gut, & stop ignoring your inner compass,

worried about others emotions, or what they think.

Work on the courage to trust it, and align 

what you do, with what is true for you.

Trust God to meet you at your point of need

with His grace and wisdom which will undoubtedly

put you on the right road to recovery,

and wholeness.

God really is in the details.

Some journal notes while away...

There is no fear in love.

Protect your dream from those who do not understand.

Let trust and thankfulness stand guard.

'Love Me with all of your heart, soul, and mind.'

Matthew 22:37

"If you can't hear the voice of God,

it's time to carve out a quiet place in your life."

God will lead you, but He won't force you to follow.

'The contents of your thoughts have an enormous 

impact on your health & wellbeing.

Depression & anxiety can be because of distorted thinking.

If not corrected , it can lead to a breakdown in health.'

'Audit your life & become aware of where you are spending 

your time & who you are spending it with.'

'Understand the life you have been living & 

the life you want to live in the future.

Move closer to that version of life.

The more you invite God into your life,

the healthier & happier you will be.

Life is an inner process of becoming all

you were meant to be.

Nothing is impossible with God.

Be spontaneous. 

Fill your life with beauty.

"Follow the grain in your own wood."

'Life at it's best is not lived in the past.

It's lived in the now.'

be well...

xoxo

💖

"Anything you lose by speaking the truth,

isn't a loss.

It's an alignment.

The best cleanse you will ever do."

~Dr. Will Cole~

 

Emotionally Immature

Today...

I'm sharing from one of my favorite podcasts.

be well...

xoxo

💞

Mood

Tornado season is in full swing.

Warnings and watches roll across the T.V screen.

Thunderstorms and high winds keep moving through...

 and it's all making me a bit janky.

A pair of Brown Thrashers are sticking around in my backyard.

"Someone from beyond is protecting you." I read.

 I can guess....

"....also a symbol of " Stability, balance, harmony, and inclusivity."

I received a letter from my Mom.

It was very sweet. I read it and re-read it.

I imagine one or two more times,

 before I tuck it into the drawer.

I miss her.

We were going to get together, 

but due to the storms we had to change our plans.

It's been a while.

This morning I 

found this prayer tucked into one of my books:

"God,

today help me set aside everything I think I know

about you,

everything I think I know about myself,

everything I think I know about others,

and everything I think I know about my own life

so I may have an open mind and a new experience 

with all these things.

Please help me see the truth"

be well...

xoxo

💞

 

Tuesday Tip : Pause

"1f you spend 1 hour of screen time,

it decreases happiness and increases anxiety in

adults and children."

~National Institute of Health~

The more time = less happy.

Help your soul.

Stop.

Take a 1 minute pause.

Breathe.

Be still.

Let it all go.

Create space to let your soul

be human again.

Repeat throughout the day if you want,

or maybe make it a habit.

Why not try it for a week and see 

how you feel ?

be well...

xoxo

💝

 

Uncertainty & Trust

I am going through integration labs in my coaching

course. 

It's time for me to choose a destination and start moving 

toward it.

Both in my course, and in my life.

It all goes hand-in-hand.

I'm facing some resistance in certain areas.

Hang-ups, fears, anxiety, uncertainty.

It's all very much on the surface right now.

I have been reminding myself to stay present, breathe,

and remember that trying to control what I 

cannot control is a good way to end up in 

the loony bin.

The way my journal notes formed today.

My Child,

Trust Me enough to let things happen without

striving to predict or control them.

Relax & refresh yourself in My Light & Love.

When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing

what you will do or say you are seeking to be sufficient

without Me.

Live fully in the present depending on Me each moment.

Rather than fear your inadequacy, rejoice in My abundant supply.

Don't divide your life into things you can do alone,

and things that require My help.

Discipline yourself to rely on Me in every situation.

Work on your attitudes, take care of your mind, body and spirit.

Change the things you can.

Accept your powerlessness, put your energy where you can do

some good & surrender to My care.

Don't miss what I am saying.

When you find yourself dwelling on a persistent problem, bring it to Me 

and confess the mental bondage you're experiencing.

Request My help.

I am teaching you to fix your thoughts on Me more & more.

To achieve this goal you need discipline & desire.

It's all there. Everything you need to know. Why you are here,

what you are here to do, & how you must go about accomplishing

every task.

Every experience you have endured or conquered were designed to teach you.

It's all right there in the heart of your soul.

That is where you find My voice.

It will be difficult to hear if you are angry or blaming others.

Spend time listening to your heart. 

Ask for My guidance away from what you no longer need or desire

onto the path you deserve.

Be devoted to renewing your spirit by cleansing your heart.

Life gives endless new beginnings, endless chances to remember who you are.

You can endlessly reinvent yourself. 

Be more accepting, welcome change, and trust the process.

Let go of the need to stay in any unhealthy systems.

Reclaim your inner peace. Stay there.

Be sure in My love.

I have a plan for you.

Trust Me to bring you just what you need to help you become 

closer & closer to the person I created you to be.

Let Me do My part while you do yours.

I will meet all of your needs.

~God~

"The pain is not in the surrender and acceptance.

It is in the resistance."

 

Inner Compass

Know when you need to shift.

The signs are there.

Pay attention.

You'll know when you've had enough.

You'll know when you're not happy.

You'll know when you need to change.

The best thing you can do 

is to take good care of yourself.

Follow your heart and stay true to what you stand for.

Always.

You'll find your people.

You will find your support.

When it's time to shift, you'll know.

"Life is from the inside out.

When you shift on the inside,

life shifts on the outside."

"The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you.

Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision.

So write and draw and build and play and dance

and live as only you can."

Journal letter #4

Dear girl,

Seek to please Me above all else.

Let that goal be your focal point as you go through this day.

Such a mindset will protect you from scattering your energy to the winds.

A relationship with Me will keep you from unraveling around the edges.

Don't worry about tomorrow.

When you become troubled about what lies ahead,

look back to see where you've been.

Allow Me to draw you closer.

Relinquish whatever is standing in the way,

and allow Me to satisfy your soul.

Seek to increase your awareness that I am with you.

Align your- self, mind, heart and spirit- with the reality 

that in Me you live, move, and have your being.

Increase your awareness by looking for signs of My

Presence around you, in the beauties of nature and 

the pleasure of loved ones.

I entrusted you with a powerful mind.

Use it wisely to keep your thoughts on the good things

in your life. 

Work as hard on accepting the good, as you have worked

in the past accepting the painful and the difficult.

In a world gone mad, you can choose to be sane.

Keep your thoughts on Me,

Love always,

God

xoxo

💝

*letter composed of my daily journal entries*

 

Dial Down

I have been running on autopilot, and I hit the proverbial wall.

A flood of stress hormones will stop me cold.

Every time.

I'll learn.

"When you feel overwhelmed, you're trying too hard."

 

Release It

I felt lonely and disappointed all day,

which of course made me feel weepy and guilty.

I kept hoping I would snap out of it.

So much anguish is created when I resist.

Working on accepting what is so I can take  

care of myself, change and grow.

Not every lesson feels fun while it's happening.

Acceptance and surrender move us forward.

xoxo

💓

 

Love Yourself

Today, spend some time guilt free doing something 

creative, or go for a walk, write, read, or stare out

the window and daydream, anything you want to do

for the sheer enjoyment, not because it needs to be done.

'Learn to take good care of your mind, body, heart and soul.

Laugh, dance, be silly, be weird, be playful,

be childlike.  

Take your focus away from those things that cause you 

to feel pain, stress, anxiety, fear and unhappiness, 

onto those things that bring you joy, calm your nerves,

& make you happy.'

xoxo

💞

   

 

Facing Reality

The last words written in my journal yesterday:

"Remind yourself often of what  matters to you and pursue that."

The first words in my journal this morning:

"Meltdown"

"It's time to know what really matters &

let the other crap fall where it may."

So, today my reality is this.

Going through the feels of....

Rejection. Confusion. Anger.

Bitterness. Resentment. Shame.

Frustration. Unworthiness. Disappointment.

Hurt. Discouragement. Regret. Sadness....

I've released way too many F-bombs.

Non-stop tears, journaling, isolation, prayers...

 and then as I was splashing cool water on my face...

I hear this song.

The lyrics were exactly what I needed to turn this 

s--t show around.

That's pretty much my day so far.

I want to tuck this memory away here. 

Reality is hitting me with a force today.

"Confusion is a normal state of being human and being imperfect.

The state of confusion is a necessary antecedent for change.

We do not change when we are sure of where we are.

We only change when we are uncomfortable, in pain & confused."

Eventually you will come to the conclusion that you 

cannot find what you need outside of yourself.

xoxo

💕

Care

You do you....,

and sincerely  care  what other people think.

Be good, loving

and kind and try to keep the link.

But if you start to feel small,

and controlled by what other's think you should do...

Leave those thoughts behind...

and simply be true to you.

💖

Notes

to self,

.... on anxious thoughts.

Take responsibility for my own anxiety.

Is it ene-me or inner-me ?

External or internal ?

When things are going right, quit worrying about them going wrong!

Don't borrow drama from other people.

Don't let a situation contaminate my spirit.

It is NOT "out there", it IS my disquieting thoughts causing me to be anxious.

I don't have to prove anything to anyone.

I don't have to be anyone else.

What am I taking in ? Things that drain or fill me?

Is there a sense of urgency ? Do I need to figure out

what is really important?

Do I give weight to the wrong words or actions of others ?

Figure out where my "Yes" is, so I don't worry about saying "No".

Do it or Don't.

Worship or Worry ?

Faith or Fear ?

Don't isolate.

Meditate.

Create.

Spend time with friends and family. 

Play.

Reclaim my imagination.

Dream.

Focus.

Walk into the day expecting to see the good. 

~God is good~

💖