Chin up Buttercup...

...a memory from my childhood.

Plucking the yellow flower to place under our 

chins to determine whether 

we loved butter or not.

We all did.

It's the nature of the flower to reflect.

I picked a handful in the pasture while hubby 

 did his farm chores.

I wanted to find out more about this little yellow flower...

Meadow Buttercup

symbolizes joy, cheerfulness, childhood innocence,

happiness, and humility.

Humility...

it's a word I have bonded with this last 3 months.

I have been vague about my latest health

concerns, but it was so unexpected,

and as I was walking into the unknowns...

I thought it best to take it as it unfolded,

lean into my faith, and pray for the mindset

to trust God with my fears and concerns 

no matter how scared as I was.

Few knew more.

 I was in good hands.

A brief timeline...

 started with trigger fingers in my hands

x-rays

referral to get an MRI on cervical spine

 & referral to an orthopedic surgeon

in waiting....

suspect a UTI 

call my obgyn

get tested

confirmed

start antibiotics 

day before ortho visit

3 injections in 3 fingers at ortho

next day get a call from obgyn

rare UTI not treatable with oral antibiotic 

 referral to Infusion center,

 & Infectious disease Dr.

& for a C-scan to check my bladder, kidneys and stomach

infusion center very next day

2 shots of high dose anti's (one in each arm) for 5 days.

follow up at infectious disease...

explanations...about UTI & that

future UTI's (thankfully not common for me... )

may likely be treated the same way

released

C-scan with contrast

all is well in area of concern,

however

 obgyn is concerned with bowel

she discusses it with  Gastro Dr. 

(who I have been to)

he wants to examine...

better to be safe

pull in the driveway for this appt. and get a call

he's been called to OR

a brief moment of "NO....!!!"

redeemed by ..."someone needs him worse than I do"...

a little conversation with God ...

"this is Yours"

I trust Him

 At this point I know He is in control...

&

I have learned that I am DEFINITELY NOT!

 I breathe...

 then carry on...

wait on hold to reschedule...

drive towards plan B, to get groceries in the meantime...

"can you come in an hour if he's back from OR ?"

"Of course. Sign me up"

*thinking of it as a little cliff hanger

as I've come to the final Dr. on this seemingly long list.

Uncertainty mixed with relief.

Dr. shows up.

I show up. 

We talk, he's thorough, reassuring and fun.

His nurse is too.

We find the humor in the situation,

and we all giggle through the exam.

And I loved them for it.

And..

I am okay.

It's stressful facing the unexpected and the unknowns,

and I will forever be learning how let go & to walk with trust.

Life keeps twisting and turning to make sure of it.

Truth is, this hit me in the place I thought I had under control.

It has been a humbling and teachable experience for me.

I am not in control.

And I am happy I'm not.

That has helped to lighten the load.

I have praised God so many times through countless moments lately...

that it almost feels like too much...

but in reality...

It can never be enough.

be well...

xoxo

💝

"Whenever you meet a ghost, don't run away,

because the ghost will capture the 

substance of your fear and materialize

itself out of your own substance...

it will take over all your own vitality...

so then, whenever confronted with a ghost,

walk straight into it and it will disappear."

~Allan Watts~

"The more you push against the things,

people and experiences you find unpleasant,

the more exhausted you will get and

the unhappier you will become."

"If the challenges of life waited for you 

to be ready for them,

they wouldn't,

of course,

be called challenges."