Resisting Change

Today I'm tired, and my hubby's surgery date 

is inching in on us.

 I'm tired because we've barely recovered from 

two surgeries already this year, and this time they

are removing his kidney.

I'm tired because caregiving is tough, and painful,

and it's hard to stay encouraged and strong when

you can't see any break in the clouds.

I'm tired of all the struggles we've had to get through,

  all the changes,

and the uncertainties that are ahead.

I'm tired because I want to do my best as a wife,

a mother, a daughter, sister, Aunt, Grandmother and friend.

I want to do my best as a student and a pet mom.

I'm tired because there's all the normal lifey things

like keeping the house in order, the yard mowed, 

planting my flower garden (which is essential for me..)

grocery shopping, meals, and all the daily chores.

Today I am just tired.  Things catch up to me, and when

I need a break from it all...

I beat myself up for that too!

It's been one of those mornings. 

I'm stepping out of the boxing ring at the moment.

Taking a deep breath, and pulling up Yoga with Adriene on YouTube.

I'm turning my brain off for a while.

I know it makes it harder when we resist changes that come our way,

and we should allow life to unfold as life does.

I can now look back at oodles of times when I've

worried and fretted, and honestly it never solved a thing.

It just wastes precious time.

I guess that is why I beat myself up for doing it now.

Still learning...

 

I prayed this morning to hear God's words, 

and that my heart would be receptive.

In my journals I write the words I read,

as God speaking to me. 

I make it personal.

Here are a few of the messages I received today:

" You can lash out and resent difficulty, & feel sorry for yourself,

or you can look away from the problem altogether,

and turn toward Me, and see the obstacle as a momentary trouble."

" Allow your heart, intuition, and brain to catch up to each other.

Have faith. Patiently sit and be still."

" I chip away at your rough edges of self-will & earthly bondage

to reveal all I created you to be.

I will bring you into greater wholeness."

" It's important that you cling to Me regardless

of the trials that arise, and yield yourself to My will

even when it is difficult."

" Do not resist what I am doing. 

There is a much bigger picture.

Take heart."

So I'm off to do some yoga, surrender, and align.

Then I'm going to channel the swede in me, 

and make some chokladbollars (chocolate balls).

Chocolate always helps. 

xoxo

💞