Release It

As much as I love the simple, quiet life,

and try to keep to that plan,

life has a way of showing up and just taking over sometimes.

The what-ifs overwhelm me.

The uneasiness consumes my thoughts and keeps me inching 

towards the rabbit hole of the dark unknowns ahead.

I'm learning better coping mechanisms with every battle I face.

Like focusing on the present, self-care, ( yesterday: time of reflection,

breathwork, prayer, yoga *above, tea, reaching out for help, and a nice walk. 

I didn't make the chocolate balls. Maybe today. )

Also focusing on gratitude, and trusting in my Higher Power. God.

A lot of my anxiety originates from negative experiences

from my past that influenced  my perceptions of life,

and the way I viewed God.

It's all been a process of unlearning and learning.

I still have a load of learning to do....

mostly, in my ability to trust.

I do have faith that I will be guided in the best possible direction,

 (along with my side of trust issues..)

 and I will have the wisdom and strength necessary 

to get through the scary unknows.

Time and time again, I pop out on the other side of the what-ifs,

a little weary, but also wiser and with a stronger faith than before.

"Casting the whole of your care

[all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all]

on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully."

1Peter 5:7

xoxo

💖

Resisting Change

Today I'm tired, and my hubby's surgery date 

is inching in on us.

 I'm tired because we've barely recovered from 

two surgeries already this year, and this time they

are removing his kidney.

I'm tired because caregiving is tough, and painful,

and it's hard to stay encouraged and strong when

you can't see any break in the clouds.

I'm tired of all the struggles we've had to get through,

  all the changes,

and the uncertainties that are ahead.

I'm tired because I want to do my best as a wife,

a mother, a daughter, sister, Aunt, Grandmother and friend.

I want to do my best as a student and a pet mom.

I'm tired because there's all the normal lifey things

like keeping the house in order, the yard mowed, 

planting my flower garden (which is essential for me..)

grocery shopping, meals, and all the daily chores.

Today I am just tired.  Things catch up to me, and when

I need a break from it all...

I beat myself up for that too!

It's been one of those mornings. 

I'm stepping out of the boxing ring at the moment.

Taking a deep breath, and pulling up Yoga with Adriene on YouTube.

I'm turning my brain off for a while.

I know it makes it harder when we resist changes that come our way,

and we should allow life to unfold as life does.

I can now look back at oodles of times when I've

worried and fretted, and honestly it never solved a thing.

It just wastes precious time.

I guess that is why I beat myself up for doing it now.

Still learning...

 

I prayed this morning to hear God's words, 

and that my heart would be receptive.

In my journals I write the words I read,

as God speaking to me. 

I make it personal.

Here are a few of the messages I received today:

" You can lash out and resent difficulty, & feel sorry for yourself,

or you can look away from the problem altogether,

and turn toward Me, and see the obstacle as a momentary trouble."

" Allow your heart, intuition, and brain to catch up to each other.

Have faith. Patiently sit and be still."

" I chip away at your rough edges of self-will & earthly bondage

to reveal all I created you to be.

I will bring you into greater wholeness."

" It's important that you cling to Me regardless

of the trials that arise, and yield yourself to My will

even when it is difficult."

" Do not resist what I am doing. 

There is a much bigger picture.

Take heart."

So I'm off to do some yoga, surrender, and align.

Then I'm going to channel the swede in me, 

and make some chokladbollars (chocolate balls).

Chocolate always helps. 

xoxo

💞

 

Learning

I'm slowly learning, that life is better

when I just let things be.

When I don't chase all the answers.

When I stop hanging on to the people I need to let go.

I'm learning that life is better when I don't react

to every little thing that bothers me.

Surrender it,

take a deep breath and trust that all will work out.

Life is better when I take the time

to work on myself and my own inner peace.

Life is better, when I focus on a goal, 

when I can be fully present...,

and when I pass my second course test with a 92%!!

Life is better when I savor, and enjoy the little things, 

and winning moments each and every day.

xoxo

💝

 

Notes

 

I'm studying for my next exam.

I plan to take it in the morning.

I came across this little nugget

I wrote in my notes.

" The quality of your life is directly related

to the amount of uncertainty

you can comfortably live with."

Wish me luck!

xoxo

💗

Rewilding

Waking up to a new module, is like waking up

on Christmas morning as a kid.

I'm on my 18th Christmas morning.

It started with a high energy, funny

totally loveable, wild guy.

He excited me so much, I had to call my kiddo,

and text two of my friends.

I had to let out my giddy....

this guy triggered me in all the right ways!

He opened up the wild in me.

His talk was on the four elements, Earth, Water, Air, and Fire.

And...the thing that seemed to uncork me, was his passion

for "Rewilding".

Getting back to basics.

Eating nutrient dense foods, breathing good air,

getting our energy from the sun, and keeping

our bodies hydrated with quality spring water.

And getting back to that wild side in all of us.

He had so much vitality and a passion for life.

I was swooning.

Seriously.

I thought I knew the path I wanted to take after this course,

but after listening to him, & following my heart....(as suggested)

things have a way of shifting on me.

I'm cool with that.

You learn who you are, and what matters to you.

It's really quite fascinating to me.

It keeps things simple.

When you don't know...your open to what comes.

Like anything in life....the path ahead is never really clear,

we don't know what's ahead. 

If we do our best, and walk our own unique path,

then we'll leave behind us a trail of for others

to start out on until they forge their own path.

So, I suppose I'm ready to start

forging my new path into the unknown.

I want to do something that is true to my soul.

I'm brave enough to do the hard work.

And I trust that I will be guided on my own unique path

one step at a time.

I can't wait to see where this journey takes me.

xoxo

💗

"If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step,

you know it's not your path.

Your own path you make, with every step you take.

That's why it's your path."

 

Childhood Toy

Lately I have been processing a lot of emotions.

They pop up randomly, and I am learning that if they

rise to the surface, the best thing I can do is relax,

and let those babies go.

Random tears, moments of joy.

I don't try to analyze why anymore.

I just sit with them. Let them be, and when they have had

their moment, they move on.

I'm in my sixties.

I had a lot of pent up emotions lurking in the shadows.

After I posted yesterday, I thought of my cherished 

childhood stuffy.  It has been on a lot of adventures with me.

I got it for Easter the year I was in the auto accident.

I remember when I regained consciousness in the hospital,

everyone was standing around my hospital bed.

They asked me how many fingers they were holding up.

I answered 3 ( or maybe it was 4?) and I was right.

Then I asked for my bunny.

( I still have my blankie too)

Whenever I connect to the bunny, I also connect to a part of  myself.

" Real isn't how you are made. It's a thing that happens to you.

When a child loves you for a long, long time,

not just to play with, but REALLY loves you,

then you become Real."

" Generally by the time you are Real, 

most of your hair has been loved off,

and your eyes drop out and you get 

loose in the joints and very shabby.

But these things don't matter at all,

because once you are Real, you can't be ugly,

except to people who don't understand."

~Velveteen Rabbit~

xoxo

💝

 

Scars

I used to be self conscious of my scars.

The kids at school would call me Frankenstein.

I remember feeling flawed.

Yesterday at the salon, I was asked how I got the scars on my forehead.

I told her about the wreck, my stepdad, and my brother,

and how I was 5.

I told her how lucky I felt that we all survived.

With so much compassion in her voice,

 she looked at me and said,

"Sweetie you are here for a purpose.

 That is not a scar.

That! Is a badge of honor."

xoxo

💝

 

Ain't Nobody

The temptation is to look at your

faults & failings, and deem yourself unworthy.

Turn your awareness to your higher power.

Adequacy is from Him. (2 Corinthians 3:15)

Trust in that.

You'll see.

xoxo

💖

Being Me

It's starting to feel good to let the real me out.

My thoughts this morning...are on how

my whole life I was under the impression 

that happiness came from someone, or

something outside of me.

And I'm here to tell you if your are falling for that lie....

LET IT GO!

Now. Quick like.

Learn to find the happiness within.

Take good care of you, and love and appreciate the unique,

valuable and totally lovable human that you are.

(even if you're quirky, emotional, and misunderstood)

You are precious and lovable.

Trust in yourself. 

You have everything you need to do you.

Do it with all of your heart!

Be the best you can be for yourself,

not to prove yourself to someone else.

I learned this lesson pretty late in life, 

and made a load of mistakes along the way.

Understand this, that mistakes are how we learn.

Don't beat yourself up like I did.

Nurture yourself.

As with everything in life,

you don't know until you know.

Life is a process.

I've been going through the unlearning...the healing, 

and the shifts for a while now...(like years....)

The unlearning is not for wimps.

It gets pretty rough sometimes.

(the good news, is if your young...you have less to unlearn :)

Learn to go through, 

be gentle and kind to yourself as you do.

Self-care is essential!

And get really excited, because when you start

to feel your happiness bubble up,

you'll feel a sense of freedom, enthusiasm

and empowerment.

You'll know that despite what's going on around you,

who does or doesn't approve,

who leaves you, or hurts you...

you still got you,

and you are absolutely enough!

And you are going to be OK,

because you were put here to be a very special

piece to this whole puzzle called life.

May you feel that truth.

Godspeed.

xoxo

💖

 

Full Tank

The trip up was nice. It sounds so cliche,

but it is true that " Home is where the heart is."

We celebrated Brandon's 29th with pasta, then custard.

Heavy on heavy.

 Fun and laughs.

And on the next day I treated him to shopping and lunch.

He took me to some of his favorite spots.

We had a completely impromptu 

jump-in-the-car go with the flow post Birthday day.

I hated to leave, but I came home better than before.

 My heart was full, and I was happy.

xoxo

💖

 

Feel Gravity

 I've been trying so hard to be the 

put-together-strong-me

but sometimes it's all too much,

and I just have to be...me.

"Get into  harmony with the basic rhythm of life

which the Creator set in motion."

"Always keep your mental attitude healthy."

" Empty the mind of all unhealthy thoughts,

replacing them with wholesome, creative

concepts."

~The Positive Principle Today~

💗

Dial Down

I have been running on autopilot, and I hit the proverbial wall.

A flood of stress hormones will stop me cold.

Every time.

I'll learn.

"When you feel overwhelmed, you're trying too hard."

 

Release It

I felt lonely and disappointed all day,

which of course made me feel weepy and guilty.

I kept hoping I would snap out of it.

So much anguish is created when I resist.

Working on accepting what is so I can take  

care of myself, change and grow.

Not every lesson feels fun while it's happening.

Acceptance and surrender move us forward.

xoxo

💓

 

March Journal

March has been bumpy, exciting,

and a little scary for sure.

I am so grateful for my faith, and my 

course. 

Both have kept me focused on my priorities,

and what really matters the most in my life.

Here are some of my journal notes from the month...

Disappointments, bitterness, & resentment are ties that bind,

& until you release these feelings, you remain bound to the past.

" If you understand, things are just as they are;

if you do not understand, things are just as they are."

Relinquish your demand to understand.

"The quest of looking for wholeness outside of yourself

is not the way it works. It's an inside job."

'If you do what you've always done,

you'll get what  you've always gotten.'

Whatever has been learned can be unlearned.

" Sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing it's loveliness ...

until it flowers again from within."

Pray for those that hurt you instead of being angry at them

& release it to God.

Bless others. You might be the only one

winging good their way.

You never know.

Live and let live.

Tend to your own acre and not beyond those limits.

Keep you life simple and avoid overcommitting.

Devote today to meaningful things.

When you are tempted to interfere with something

that is none of your business,

turn your attention to some way in which you can 

care for yourself.

"Detach with love means that I stop depending upon

what others do, say or feel to  determine

my own well being or to make decisions.

Detachment is caring more for my serenity."

We are best able to help others when we

ourselves have learned the way to achieve serenity.

Refuse to let other voices tie you up in knots.

" You will be drawn away from everything you know into a space

of unknowing. You may be frightened, but at the same time, 

perfectly fine with not knowing."

"The issues bombarding you aren't contingent upon

your resources, but upon your focus."

" Don't be burdened by the question,

but rather make yourself available for the answer."

This is a time in your life when you must

learn to let go.

God's love chases after you every day of your life.

"Simply, I Am the answer to all of your struggles."

~God~

Focus on love and let the rest go.

Have a merciful attitude.

Listen more & speak less.

Refuse to worry.

"Worry is like a rocking chair.

It keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere."

Next time I want to tear my hair out because of some

nagging shortcoming, I'll lighten up and

see how silly my intensity can be.

Everything I need will be provided today. Everything.

Find a way to be OK with yourself, and others.

Try less, accept more, and let go of your

own impatience, self-criticism, and self-hatred.

Be glad you are yourself.

Applaud yourself for trying.

You're doing a terrific job!

When I step back, the power of God steps forward.

Surrender your thoughts to love.

Remind yourself that whoever you are is a choice.

Life offers an endless supply of do-overs.

Take all the stops out.

When you stop trying to make things happen

anything can.

Listen to the call of  your heart.

If you touch any heart with what you do for the brief

moments you are here, that is enough.

Awareness is the first step toward healing.

Find the root of destructive behavior.

"You create the script, so don't be afraid to be funny, 

brilliant and brave. You are not here to be small."

God goes ahead of me and opens up the way.

If you are struggling to make things happen & they

are not happening, it's you, not God running the show.

With God nothing is impossible.

Gods power is subtle, silent, and irresistible.

" Do the best you can to make wise decisions & trust Me

to cover you if you make mistakes. I got you !"

~God~

Opt out of playing games,

displaying defensive behavior,

and feeling miserable.

Be a good friend to yourself.

Your negative emotions drown out the voice of intuition.

If what you are thinking doesn't make you feel good,

change that thought.

"Real difficulties can be overcome;

it's only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.

But even the imaginary ones can be conquered with 

right thinking."

The power to change leads to powerful changes.

I am running with progress instead of indecisively going nowhere.

"Courage has genius, magic, and power in it."

"It is not what is happening on the outside,

but how we view it from the inside."

"Your outer world will fall into place

when your inner world is filled with light."

Anxiety gives power to the problem.

Stop trying to work things out before their times have come.

Accept the limitations of living one day at a time.

Take mini-breaks from the world today,

finding a place to be still, pray and meditate.

'Cry when you need to. Laugh when you are called to.

Dance when you want to.

Feel whatever you are compelled to.

Trust that the world will fall back into place.'

A day will come that you will take a breath 

and see through your own disguise.

"Today withdraw from living in some future fantasy

& live right now. Carry yourself as if all your needs

are met. They are."

Allow your wild spirit to boldly flourish.

Don't waste your magic by trying to  be just 

like everyone else.

"Time is a precious resource, & there often

doesn't seem to be enough of it.

But the truth is, how you invest the minutes & hours 

you've been given demonstrates what's most

important to you."

"Wasting time is wasting one of the most precious gifts

God has given you. Once time is used, you never get it back,

so spend it wisely."

I want to have as many good memories as possible.

Go for the love, and have fun while you're doing it.

Compassion and understanding on my part can have the power to heal.

"It takes a long time to become young."

~Pablo Picasso~

" The beautiful life of your dreams is possible.

It's waiting for you, as soon as you decide to let go

of those old beliefs & that critical inner voice.

It's not simple, but you can break free & open

up to the real possibilities."

xoxo

💖