Codependent

Codependency:

A tendency to do more than their share, all the time.

A tendency to become hurt when people don't recognize their efforts.

An unhealthy dependence on relationships.

The co-dependent will do anything to hold onto a relationship;

to avoid the feeling of abandonment.

An extreme need for approval and recognition.

(I think we all can relate...but when you lose yourself in it....it's time to get help)

Every day, there is so much I want to share.

At one point in time, I was so consumed with my own struggles...

I could not even put anything into words.

Or some days, I had so much I wanted to say....yet, I would doubt myself.

I feared opening up, judgement, and Lord help me....

more rejection.

I thank God for the quotes and such, to express what I can't or wouldn't say.

Today I want to share. Today I want to write.

I want to be real, raw, unfiltered, and write as I do in my journal, only to you.

Truth is...I have struggled most of my life with feelings of unworthiness,

rejection, shame, and a zillion other little things.

And I know....it's a human thing. It's not just me.

Struggling is a part of being on this earth.

This is just my experience.

I've battled depression, isolation, anxiety and so much fear.

I've spent time in counseling.

I've clung with unfailing hope onto my faith.

And honestly...it was my faith that brought

 me to where I am today.

Faith is what guided me towards getting support.

I know I've mentioned my support group in the past. 

 It's a support group that helps me with...

Codependency. 

Gosh...I used to feel so much shame to even admit I needed help. 

But to ask for it, and to admit to being codependent?

Brutal.

Yet...

it's the BEST thing I have ever done for myself in a very long time.

I have learned so much about letting go, allowing and acceptance.

I have been surrounded by some of the most honest, humble

and genuine people I've ever met.

I went to my group yesterday.

They help me put things into perspective.

I always leave feeling like a better person than 

when I went in.

I  met with my kiddo afterwards, and we grabbed lunch downtown.

I  enjoyed sitting outside and our chat.

Our server was super-fun too. 

What a great afternoon.

I still feel all glow-y inside.

So for today,  I wanted to share out of a wonderful journal I received over 

a year ago in the mail.

It was from my girlfriend back home.

She has been a huge support in my healing. (Thanks Moe)

It is called " The Language of Letting Go" Journal.

It pretty much sums up the process I've been going through this year.

There has been a LOT of shifting perspective, and facing my own truths.

Not an easy task, I have far to go... but I thank God for it!

"When we are soul searching, be it for the smaller or larger decisions we face during the day,

we can learn to ask, is it good for me?...

Is this what I really want?...

Is this what I need?...

Does the direction feel right for me?...

Or am I succumbing to the control and influence that I sometimes allow  others to have over me?

It is not unhealthy selfishness to question if something is good for us.

That is an old way of thinking.

To ask if something is good for us is a healthy behavior,

not to be ashamed of, and will probably work out in the other person's best interest too.

We shall not wander down a selfish path of self-indulgence by asking if a thing is good for us.

We shall not stray from God's intended plan,

God's highest good, by asking if a thing is good for us.

By asking ourselves this simple question, we participate in directing

our life toward the highest good and purpose; 

we own our power to hold ourselves n self-esteem."

"Today, I will begin acting in my best interests.

I will do this with the understanding that,

on occasion, my choices will not please everyone around me.

I will do this with the understanding that asking if a thing is good for me will ultimately

help me take true responsibility for my life and my choices."

Be well!

xoxo

💖