Faith

This morning I was almost giddy as I took my coffee & devotionals

out into the cool,  morning air,  to savor my favorite time of the day.

The warmth of the sun the freshness of the breeze and the birds song...it just made my heart flutter !

I was sitting there counting my blessings and whispering a prayer of thanks...

when my thoughts suddenly dashed off onto a tour of my timeline.

I didn't fight to stay focused on my prayers...

instead...I took the tour.

I was whisked away to some highlighted defining moments in my life.

One of which I felt I'd like to share.

This is a little story about me...

and I'm not going to lie...

it's hard for me to open up my heart and not worry about being judged.

 Life isn't always good...

and as much as I try to focus and always capture the good parts...

I think it is only fair to share some of the less than good moments in my life too.

Lately I have been reflecting over where I've been, where I am,

 and the battles I fought to get here.

None of which I could have accomplished on my own. 

 I started thinking back...and as far as I can remember...

 I think I have always felt that there was something in control of my life...

I never remember thinking it was me.

Life just seemed to take me where it wanted me to go.

When I was younger I:

 Didn't know much about God.

Imagined that God was a mean punishing God.

 Was very insecure.

  Became afraid to trust.

Didn't have any direction.

Always felt lost...so followed others.

Trusted that others knew more about life than me.

Didn't know myself.

With that said... 

I want to share the story of when God 

became very real for me.

Let me just say...I tried hard to believe...

but I didn't know what I was believing in.

I tried to read the Bible as a kid...but honestly

when your going at it alone...

reading the Bible can leave you confused & scratching your head in disbelief.

So I turned to sermons, devotionals, and other books on spirituality.

I was determined to walk my spiritual path...and to find my own way.

 I listened, I read, I went to church.

 I became disciplined with morning scripture and devotional readings.

 I wanted to do the right things and make wise choices.

I was a single Mom, and I had a lot riding on how I handled things.

More than anything I wanted be a good example for my son.

Well....one day the reality of all that came crashing down around me.

I remember how scared and alone I felt.

I was caught up in a maelstrom of confusion and despair.

Life was hard, money was scarce and my pride kept me from reaching out.

I was at the end of my rope...and about ready to let the dang thing go !

I ranted and raved, (at God) I screamed and dropped a few F-bombs...

I did a face plant onto my bedroom floor,

and cried the ugly cry.

I threw a hideous temper tantrum 

 pounding my fists, feet and all.

Pleading...

begging (God) ...

to hear me and give me some comfort,

 some reassurance and some hope.

It was then ,...desperate to get through the darkness

I asked myself...

" What do I really need right now ?? If I could ask God for one thing...

what would I ask for ?" (because I was going to ask !!)

Then...I answered myself (without missing a beat...),

" What would  make me feel better, if for someone to walk into this room right now,

 give me a great big hug... and say... ' Don't worry !!  I will take care of everything for you !! ' "

That is when a light switch went on.  I felt like my eyes were just opened.

That is when God became real to me.

I DID feel as if HE had walked into the room that day ! 

And it was as if he wrapped me in his arms in a big God hug and said...

" It's about time !!!! Let me help you. I AM here ! I HAVE ALWAYS been here !! 

I have been waiting for you to hear me !

Now I want you to listen, and listen good...

' Don't worry ! I will take care of everything for you ! Trust me. ' "

It's been a few years since that day, 

and when my own ideas, strengths and desires fall apart...

and I crumble into his hands.

He comforts me, He makes me smile...

and He whispers to me...

"Don't worry...I am taking care of everything for you !"

Thank you God for always knowing what I need.

XOXO

" May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith...

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given you...
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love..."