Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Dear Younger Me | MercyMe

Stuff


The weather has been FABULOUS !!
With that said ...this is NOT where I want to sit and ponder.
I love to share with you...really !
BUT...right now my inspiration is high...
and my words are few.
I want to tell you about how smart my hubby is...


and about his 45th reunion with his classmates from Veterinarian school.
Oh...and what a fun AND kind circle of lovely souls they all are !!!
I want to brag about my awesome girlfriend who won't let me lessen myself 
with stupid talk...and inspires me with her dedication to good health and her honesty.
I want to mention new friends, and hopes shared with them.
I want to catch up about Brandon and how he is having to make lots of decisions, 
and planning his way after college... and how endlessly proud I am of him.
I want to giggle with you about Oliver and his shenanigans.


I want to share my thoughts
and my feelings about life and some of the freaky crap that goes on in my head.
I want to woo woo about photography class, and how I struggle with the camera.
There is so much I want to share, but the breeze blowing through the windows...
and the feeling of change in the air,
is tooooooo much !!! 
I love this weather.  I want to be outside !!


I can't sit here long enough to come up with all the words I want to say.
And then even as I sit here writing this...
I often question myself.
Why any of this matters to anyone other than me.
Why am I not outside now ?
Why write about this stuff ?
Honestly...I don't know. 
It is something that I can look back on.
It's change.
It's growth.
it's something that is a part of me...
and hopefully will always be...
even when I am no longer a part of me. :)


There was a song that pulled at my heart-strings this week.
I have heard it many times....but it never really hit me like it hit me 
this time.
I think as a parent, and as an adult that struggles with all the 
"stuff" we tend to allow our minds to swash around on,
this song just hit that tender spot in me.
I sit here and savor the words.
I think we tend to be a little too hard on ourselves.
We want to have life figured out.
We sometimes wish we could have done things differently.
We often focus more on our faults, and think something is wrong with us.
Completely normal ! We're Human ! What is wrong with us is....
We forget that we are special.
 I hope you remember that ! Always !
I hope this song makes you feel happy in your heart...
and makes you feel a little lighter on the inside. :)

eagle

Mercy Me
Dear Younger Me....

 accidentally took my own picture....but I kinda like it :) except for my misshapen arm. :)

Dear younger me,
Where do I start ?
If I could tell you everything, that I have learned so far.
Then you could be, one step ahead,
 of all the painful memories still running through my head.
I wonder how much  different things would be?
Dear younger me.
I cannot decide ,
Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life ?
Or do I go deep
and try to change the choices that you'll make ?
Cuz they're choices that made me.
Even though I love this crazy life.
Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride..
dear younger me.
If I knew then what I know now,
condemnation would've had no power.
My joy my pain would've never been my worth.
If I knew that what I know now...
would've not been hard to figure out, what I would've changed if I had heard...
Dear younger me,
It's not your fault.
You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross.
You are holy . You are righteous. You are one of the redeemed.
Set apart
a brand new heart
you are free indeed.
Every mountain, every valley
thru each heartache you will see
every moment brings you closer to who you were meant to be...
dear younger me.

*loving...
this song
Fall
bike rides
reading on the porch
windows all open
hoodie's in the morning
hot tea
leaves changing color
songs that pack a punch

XOXO

P.S I am posting the video of the song for you in another post. :)
Dear Younger Me.
Give it a listen.
Happy Fall. :)

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Webs


A misty foggy morning.
Revealing what we can not see.
Dew laden webs glistening with pearls...
sparkling, flowing and free.
Mindful of the unhurried artist.
Slowly spinning each thread.
Taking each step with her heart...
and not being all up in her head.





Reminding me of life and the special ways...
that God reveals Himself in ...
the darkest and foggiest of days.
Sometimes we struggle to be still and listen...
and sometimes we're drawn closer by gifts that glisten.
                                              
                                                  ~me~

*loving...
morning dew
natural wonders
meeting the artist :)
the little things
the hushing of the fog
God in nature

XOXO

Monday, September 19, 2016

Bubby


I wasn't supposed to "get attached".
BUT I did !
For three weeks, I have been this little guys mama.
I call him Bubby.
Although he hasn't been here very long...
he has found a very special place in my heart.










graham crackers & milk

blankie



Maybe it's the look he gives me while he stands so patiently at the door waiting for his bottle.
Maybe it's because he follows me around as I do my morning chores & licks me when I'm not looking.
Maybe it because he loves to have his face and dewlap scratched, and he loves to cuddle.
Maybe it's the way he found his little spot in the hay in the pet-shack, so he could sleep with Scotty and Oliver.
Maybe because Oliver shares his graham crackers with him,
and he shares his calf meringue with Scotty.
Maybe it's because I carry a towel around with me, (to wipe of the slobbers) and now
he uses the towel like a blankie. 
Maybe it's the way he chases me to the door, and then once inside, he sits there and thumps to see if I will bring him a snack.
Maybe because he has fit into our little world so perfectly, that it seems he should stay.
If  I could keep him here, he would no doubt grow old along with Oliver and Scotty.
They would be great lets-butt-heads-and-eat -graham-cracker buddies.
However... I anticipate him leaving this week.
The lump in my throat is getting harder to swallow.
I will be sending along his blankie and some graham crackers...
and will be giving him lots of extra lovin' until he goes.
In the meantime I'll sit here and enjoy watching him curled up napping on the patio,
right below Oliver who is napping on the bench.*sigh
Thankful for the time I got to be his mama. :)
We're sure going to miss the little stinker!

*loving....
Bubby
Knowing he is going to a good home
the way animals just get along
babies and their blankies
graham cracker junkies
the sound of little hoof feet chasing me in the yard
sweet calf noses
drippy calf meringue :)

XOXO



Thursday, September 15, 2016

Unfolding



" Be yourself- not your idea of what you think
somebody else's idea of yourself should be." 

First and foremost...
I want to say:
Thank you Dad.
If it weren't for you...I probably would have quit doing this blog.
With that said...
it's about to get more personal.
Just sayin'. :)



Lately I mentioned taking a break from the internet. 
I realized it was distracting me...keeping me from focusing.
I was feeling unsettled...the feeling I get when I need to make some changes.
The internet was a lure...it was an excuse...it was keeping me side-tracked so I wouldn't have to face myself. 
Because good grief ! Haven't I made enough changes in the last few years ??
One would like to think.
I have been trying to find a word to describe what this "stage"
 is that I am going through right now.
I swished a few words around:
expansion
increasing
stretching
and I don't know about you....but those all sound to me... like I am about to get some
sort of procedure done.
It's not hitting the spot.
Then I came across the word, unfold.
Yes !

un fold: verb
-open or spread out from a folded position.
-reveal or disclose (thoughts or information).
-(of information or a sequence of events) be revealed or disclosed.

Spot on !

My life feels like it is unfolding.
Spreading out from a folded position.

Lately...(with LOVE, being the fuel behind it all)
I have been feeling like I want to open up more...
experience more...
trust more...
learn more...
love more.
 I want to unfold !

I will be using this space to record tid-bits, thoughts, quotes and photos.
So basically things will be the same...only different.
A little more open.
 I was starting to lose interest in keeping up my blog.  
I felt like I was just touching the surface all the time...
staying within my comfort zone.
Other than sharing my pictures...I felt like I was starting to flat-line.
It's not that I don't have anything to say....but I am not a writer.
So I struggled with words....if I had the words,
I struggled with doubt, and vulnerability.
I could just quit. That's easy enough.
But I have done this !
This is where the UNFOLDING began in the first place.
I can't just fold it all up and be done !!
That would be ludicrous.
I am UNFOLDING dang it !
And so it is.

*loving...
mini adventures
awareness
courage...[in small doses]
Dad's words of encouragement
pushing through [mental] obstacles
knowing that someone thinks your OK :)
changing seasons
photography classes
going in a new direction
quotes that say what you feel when you can't find the words
God's Love
my incredible family, husband and friends who really know me, and love me anyway :) 
I love you all so much.


Dad...this may not be what you had in mind, when you encouraged me not to quit...
but thank you.  I hope that you'll always be my #1 fan. 
I love you !! 

XOXO







Friday, September 9, 2016

Recalibrate


Sometimes I like to take a little break from the internet.
Not that the internet is a bad thing.
It just feels right to step away from it , and 
focus more on my goals and interests.



I want to spend more time with the people and things around me with a greater mindfulness.
Stepping away from the computer for a bit.
No browsing, no aimless clicking, no distraction.
Time to regroup & recalibrate . 
Taking a little break to spiffy up my spirit. :)

"One of the greatest presents you can give yourself (and your loved ones), is to be present, every chance you get.  Your life is not between the moments of your birth and death; your life is between now and your next breath.  Distractions are in the palms of our hands these days, but we need to remember to look up more often.  So much is lost when we don’t."

*loving...
new [adventure] books to read
a back yard full of critters to love.
cycling
photography class
cooler temps.
finally getting some rain
Brandon moving closer to home
Yoga
Setting new goals
my nephew getting engaged

XOXO





Monday, September 5, 2016

Escape


" Thank you God for this most amazing day,
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees,
and for the blue dream of sky
and for everything which is natural,
which is infinite,
which is yes."
~ e. e. cummings ~








Because sometimes life gets really busy,
and there is family,
and friends, 
and moving,
and new directions...
and a lot of life packed into a day.
 Good stuff. Noteworthy stuff.
Fun stuff.
I have so much to share, and not enough time to share it.
So I am sharing some photos (that I downloaded to share previously) of a back road adventure that my girlfriend shared with me.
And on a lazy Sunday morning,
dear hubby and I ventured out and shared it together.
Because sometimes life gets busy,
and messy, and crazy, 
and this does more to restore our balance than anything else we can do.
It renews us, it helps us draw closer to each other,
 and it keeps us focused,
and SO VERY grateful
for the gifts we have been given.
And it was a wonderful day.

*loving...
coffee and gravel roads
country music and gravel roads
windows down and gravel roads :)
hubby's " I remember when...." stories
living in the moment
no agenda
poofs of white clouds in blue skies
unplugging for a while
feeling balanced
feeling blessed
answered prayers
feeling tired....a good tired.
being acutely aware of  God's AMAZING love.

XOXO