My Truth Today...

" Having one grain of what is really true,

will eradicate a million grains of what is not true."

What's true for me at the moment:

I am on the upside of a very dark season in my life.

I discovered I can let out a blood curdling scream for the sake of sanity, and 

to keep from imploding.

 (Note: I was not alone. It was raw. And...after the incident I was told by a healer,

that it was primal..& a sign of spiritual growth.)

I remember at the time...

my pride totally wanted to stifle it...but my spirit wanted it released.

 It was equal parts scary and amazing.

I'm glad the best part of me won.

I was quite impressed with myself....to be totally honest.

I always used to wonder if I could scary-movie-scream.

Apparently I can!

Since then...(last week)

I have been reflecting...

All my life I've tried to find the "right path" for me.

When things got hard, I would go into "fix it mode".

Then if I couldn't fix it, I'd assume that meant I was on the wrong path.

Then I would start the search for a new path. 

A better path.

An easier path.

Now looking back,

 I realize that if you don't clear out the path your already on...

you'll eventually come to the same point on another path.

As I've heard in the past..." All paths lead to you."

I would have been wise to stay on one path, rather than start over on a new one.

All my paths have had obstacles. The challenge was to learn from the difficulties, and I did...

but when it got too tough...I bailed.

It's like going to school, and when it gets too hard, 

just quitting, and starting over in kindergarten. 

You don't get too far.

Spiritually, its the same for me.

You keep on learning...you keep on advancing...

you don't give up.

I didn't know...until I knew.

Hindsight.

Life is funny that way.

The lesson I am learning is that...

those things that were too tough for me? 

Ended up being things that were inside of me.

Things that I needed to heal.

Things I needed to face.

Things that I need to accept

and things I needed to let go of.

It wasn't the path.

Not that you're alone on the path...

and that makes things challenging as well..

but you are responsible for your own steps on that path.

They are responsible for theirs.

We are all a little lost.

Be understanding.

Some wise words from my spiritual healer:

"There is no right or wrong path. The path you choose is the path

that is right for you. God is with you on your path, no matter which

way you go."

He's had his hands full with me.

I am thankful for His grace, healing, comfort and love.

"Your blessings have your name on them;

so do your lessons! Your greatest blessing appears before you,

cleverly disguised as your most difficult challenge,

as your greatest obstacle,

or as an extremely negative experience you are forced to handle all by yourself.

What a blessing!

What a blessed opportunity to face the truth,

forgive yourself and others,

practice faith,

develop trust, and know,

'Right where I am, God is!' "

I'm staying on course this time.

As I have mentioned a few times in the past...

my favorite scripture in the Bible is Philippians 4:8.

I have been using that scripture as a beacon in the dark.

"We do all sorts of silly things that fuel our negative emotions.

As a result, we end up getting more of what we don't want.

We distort things, we exaggerate things,

we amplify our experience in life,

and then we pick the wrong things to dwell on.

Philippians 4:8 clearly communicates what we should do:

Dwell on the things that are uplifting.

 Dwell on the things that are working.

Dwell on things that are worthy of praise.

In other words, dwell on the good stuff."

xoxo

💖

 

Trust

A while back, I had an assignment to write some

letters to my self. Encouraging letters. And then...mail them to myself.

This is at a time that I was filled with

 so much self-doubt.

I rolled my eyes.

I thought it sounded crazy.

But what did I have to lose by trying?

So I did it.

I purchased some special, handmade notecards from the farmers market back home.

Then I sat and prayed...with pen in hand,

and let the words flow.

Words I wished someone would speak over me.

I spoke them to myself.

 I filled it with little wildflowers growing in the yard

at my Dad's.

I sealed it with a kiss, and sent it off.

It felt strange...but it also made me realize

how wrong I felt to be kind and loving to myself.

That is when I realized what was crazy.

God is love..

The assignment was 30 or 40 notes to self.

I did 12.

They sit in a stack in a safe place.

 Once in a while, I get the nudge to open one.

I close my eyes...pray...and pick.

That is the way I do it.

Every one has been perfect so far.

Including today's.

The perfect card...the perfect message. 

I needed to hear these words this morning.

And the little wild flowers from my Dad's yard ?

They were colorful little gems that scattered like pieces of 

love coming from home.

I no longer roll my eyes at the assignment.

What a gift.

(the note)

Hi Sweetie,

You have really gained some insight and focus on your trip home.

This is you at the turning point of a healthier direction.

Again.

You've been here repeatedly.

That is a wonderful thing, you know?

You're continuing to grow, learn, and follow God to the best of your ability.

You don't give up!

I am so proud of you!

Thank you for taking the steps to find that love for yourself that only

comes from within you.

I'm sorry it has taken so long and it has been such a struggle for you.

I pray that you continue to release all the burdens that weigh on you,

to God.

Allow His love to swaddle you in peace, love and joy.

Be content in the moment.

Be still and hear what your spirit is trying to tell you.

Trust in your gut and your abilities to make your life as beautiful

as you want it to be.

Focus on your direction with your Heavenly Father as your guide

and counselor.

Trust Him!

You can.

You know you don't have to earn His love.

You are so loved by Him.

He is taking your heart-aches and struggles,

and giving you love and comfort.

Look for it everywhere you go.

You are surrounded by it, immersed in it.

Allow it to fill every void and crack in your heart.

You're so precious my girl.

You work so hard and are so dedicated to growth and change and loving 

to the best of your knowledge and ability.

You're phenomenal!

Let all of your self doubt, fears and insecurities melt away,

be removed, forever.

Trust in the journey and know you have the ability to make all 

your days the best they can be.

Follow your heart.

Love you!

xoxo

💝

 

Emotions

"Remember : The time you feel lonely is the time

you most need to be by yourself."

I once believed that love was the cure for loneliness,

until I fell in love with somebody who made me feel lonely.

It's hitting me today.

xoxo

💔

 

Grateful...

That my brother and nephew visited the area,

and we had an evening to enjoy together.

That I had an opportunity to re-visit my old church,

and hear a good sermon Sunday on gratitude.

That as gritty as life seems on some days,

I am blessed by more of the good things.

I heard a saying not too long ago, that said,

"When you hit a wall, just turn right."

It was talking about faith, and action, and 

feeling lost.

Well...I have now taken enough right turns, that I have made a complete square.

I think I am going to face some fears now, and just go through the dang walls.

Here are some current journal entries and quotes that have kept me encouraged:

"When you know who God is, and He shows you who you are,

you will know what to do. Identity, then activity."

"There's a greater risk than taking a risk and failing.

and it's taking none and failing."

"The greatest risk you can take with your life is to risk nothing with your life.

To make your ultimate ambition a complete safe life."

I set my mind on things above. (Phil. 4:8)

Stop trying to figure everything out. Leave all concerns in God's hands.

He will not fail me.

God, lead me the way I should go.

God does not drive us to be what we are not.

The only awareness I need to have is,

I can do this!

Every time I say I can't,

I dim my light.

I am incredibly powerful.

I can do this.

I will do this.

" The last thing you want your life to become is a cautionary tale

of what could have been."

There is nothing I need that God can't provide.

"Change doesn't have to be hard, 

and healing doesn't have to hurt."

How I get through it is the result of what I tell myself

about going through it.

"You must be aware that there is something better

waiting on the other side of this."

" Stop telling yourself scary stories and stop imagining that monsters

lie ahead and the fear, guilt and shame will go away."

Stop imagining the worst.

" If the path you took overpromised and underdelivered,

then get back to dreams you started out with, and let

today be the day you hold out for your God-given passion.

You don't need to settle for second best anymore."

It is in trying to understand less that I experience more.

My brain can be reprogramed ! Hallelujah!

I just have to do the work. (neuroplasticity)

Attach new sensations to old words.

Give new definition to old sensations.

Discipline myself to meditate on good things.

Am I making choices I want to make,

or is habit making my choices for me?

A change in my attitude means a change in my thinking.

When I am in pain, I must take responsibility for the 

elimination of my own pain.

In demanding attention from someone else,

I am giving away pieces of myself that are too valuable to lose.

"You pain is real & your experience is the only legit

reason you need to make some changes."

Loving in unloving ways, is not love at all.

If I knew without question I would not fail,

what's the one thing I would do with my life?

My fears lie to me. They keep me from seeing what I was made for

& tell me it's impossible before I even start to try.

Let it begin with me.

" Our very life depends on everything's 

Recurring till we answer from within."

~Robert Frost

" You may feel as if a wrong decision could ruin everything.

But take heart: these choices are a part of God's bigger picture 

for you."

" Your box is never going to expand to the place where

you're thinking outside of it until you can learn

to live within it.

Think inside the box. Stop waiting for what you want

& work with what you've got."

Remember that action creates transformation,

but worry simply creates more anguish.

I must learn to accept myself as I am.

Everything good I can bring about must begin with that.

" Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most

beautiful chapters in our lives won't have a title 

until much later."

xoxo

💞